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Showing jokes submitted by j.w..


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Stupid

This teacher wanted to try something different in the classroom. So she thought she would ask a question to start with that everyone would answer in the same way....

submitted by j.w., 23 March 2014

Difficult Questions

There was this bloke who always felt his prick was inadequate. So he made sure his wife was half sleep when ever he had sex. He quickly put on the dildo and gave what he thought was a great performance....

submitted by j.w., 23 March 2014

Sorry I Forgot

My friend James got into trouble with his wife when he forgot their wedding anniversary. She demanded recompense: something that would go from 0 to 50 in ten seconds. The next day there was a delivery....

submitted by j.w., 14 February 2014

Getting to Heaven

A young lad has had to go shopping with his Mum but he gets so fed up he asks if he can wait outside the store while his Mum finishes the purchases. While he is waiting there a young vicar comes up to him...

submitted by j.w., 05 February 2014

Diet

A woman went to her Doctor to ask him for advice on dieting. I have this new diet which is very simple said the Doctor. It will take you three days. On the first day eat only meat, on the second day eat only...

submitted by j.w., 27 January 2014

Dental Extraction

This distressed woman went into her dentist, sat down, pulled up her skirt. She opened her legs wide and asked the startled dentist to assist her. I think you have come to the wrong place said the puzzled dentist....

submitted by j.w., 27 January 2014

Pub Crawl

An Irishman is keen on a drink or three and he has been in the pub getting very drunk all evening. He realises he will have trouble getting home but decides some fresh air could help him. He cant stand up but crawls...

submitted by j.w., 27 January 2014

Coma Cure

Mrs Smith has been in coma for several months when it is discovered that when the nurses clean her crotch area she seems to react positively. So the Doctors call in Mr Smith and suggest to him that a bit of oral sex...

submitted by j.w., 27 January 2014

Suicide Bid

A very old woman feels she has had enough of life and wants to end her suffering. She decides to shoot herself in the heart but wants to find out exactly where her heart is. So she rings her Doctor who tells her that...

submitted by j.w., 27 January 2014

Adding & Subtracting

Try this test to see if your losing your marbles. You are driving a bus carrying 17 people from London to Wales. On the way people get on and off the bus. In Reading 7 people get off and 3 people get on, in Stratford 6 people...

submitted by j.w., 15 January 2014

Flashing

This lady Gardener noticed that a neighbour had wonderful red tomatoes. Her tomatoes always stayed green so she asked him how he got such red tomatoes. He told her his secret that he went to his garden just wearing a mack and then...

submitted by j.w., 01 January 2014

Accidents

Grand Ma, Grand Dad says as he gets older he has more accidents. Thats true. What sort of accidents? Er, um, he falls over more often. He says he makes a mess. Oh. Thats because he cuts himself when he falls. Lots of blood. Last...

submitted by j.w., 22 December 2013

Computer Skills

Grand Dad - what do you know about computers? They go to London every day crammed into stuffy trains. Ever heard of a lap top? They are dancers you shouldnt know about. What about a blackberry? Very tasty! Ever heard of an app? Dont...

submitted by j.w., 21 December 2013

Eating Out in Style

Thanks Grand Dad for taking me out to this swish French restaurant. How are you going to start? I thought I would have an aperitif. A pair of teeth! I thought yours were OK. Then what about Hors doeuvre? Im not having horse even if it came...

submitted by j.w., 20 December 2013

England FC

England are the joke. Friendly to the point of giving away any semblance of competence. But like so much humour these days it isnt very funny. But the World Cup beckons, after being friendly to Germany, so when it comes to Brazil we will be...

submitted by j.w., 16 November 2013

Poles

Pole Vault - Came in without a visa Poles Apart - Left the wife behind Pole Jump - Surprise at getting an electric shock Opinion Pole - Knows he is right Pole Tax - New tax on garden equipment Pole Star - In the Premier League South Pole - Lives...

submitted by j.w., 15 November 2013

Dental Care

This sexually active girl felt attracted to the bloke who walked into the club and suggested after a couple of drinks that they should go back to her place for a one night stand. The next morning she said to him: You must be a very good dentist....

submitted by j.w., 22 October 2013

Life

Life begins when a sperm impregnates an ovum Life begins when you are born Life begins when you leave school Life begins when you get married Life begins when you have children Life begins when you are 40 Life begins when you retire Life begins when...

submitted by j.w., 18 September 2013

Paradox

The True Meaning of Paradox -a couple of paramedic doctors. - a group of large ducks, closely related to the paradactyls. - when ships arrive and have alternative berths. - a vegetable that looks uneatable but is really quite nice. - a parade that ends...

submitted by j.w., 18 September 2013

Misses

Miss Ann Thrope - a real misery. Ms Tory - no one understands how she can still support the Conservatives. Miss AD Venture - An advertiser who get everything disastrously wrong. Miss B. Hive - a real honey. Miss B. Have - a real swinger. They all practice...

submitted by j.w., 16 September 2013

Confession

A drunkard wandered into a Catholic Church and sat down in a comfortable seat in a convenient booth. After a while the person in the next door booth started knocking on the wall. The drunkard took no notice and didnt say anything. There was more knocking....

submitted by j.w., 15 September 2013

There's A Fly In My Soup!

Waiter - theres a fly in my soup! Well, try not to dip your trousers in the dish. Waiter, waiter - theres a fly in my soup. Dont worry, we wont be charging you extra. Waiter - theres a fly in my soup. Only one? Waiter - theres a fly in my soup. Well our...

submitted by j.w., 24 August 2013

Within Hearing

An elderly husband became concerned about the hearing of his wife. He asked his Doctor what to do about it. Theres a simple way to check said the Doctor stand about 40 yards from your wife and say something in a normal voice, then if she doesnt hear you gradually...

submitted by j.w., 15 August 2013

Fancy Dress Balls Up

A couple had decided to go to a fancy dress ball and hired costumes to go. But on the evening of the Ball the wife got a bad migraine and took tablets and went to bed, telling her husband to go and enjoy...

submitted by j.w., 14 August 2013
Showing page 1 (of 9 pages)


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