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Showing jokes submitted by j.w..


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Sterile

I visited by wife after she had twins. A boy and a girl dressed in blue and pink....

submitted by j.w., 05 October 2014

Drink

I had a terrible day. When I got to work I was hauled in front of the Director and dismissed for something I had not done....

submitted by j.w., 19 August 2014

Pick Up

I went to pick up my grandmother from the station but she was too heavy....

submitted by j.w., 11 August 2014

Heaven or Hell

Theres a worry for a lot of people who are the point of dying. But they shouldnt worry whether they go to Heaven or Hell....

submitted by j.w., 31 July 2014

Hospital Nightmare

I had a nightmare on my most recent visit to hospital....

submitted by j.w., 18 June 2014

On the Beach

There was this bloke who fancied having sex with his wife but she said she couldnt do anything with the kids around....

submitted by j.w., 18 May 2014

Giraffes

There was this truck with ten giraffes standing in the back....

submitted by j.w., 29 April 2014

Stupid

This teacher wanted to try something different in the classroom. So she thought she would ask a question to start with that everyone would answer in the same way....

submitted by j.w., 23 March 2014

Difficult Questions

There was this bloke who always felt his prick was inadequate. So he made sure his wife was half sleep when ever he had sex. He quickly put on the dildo and gave what he thought was a great performance....

submitted by j.w., 23 March 2014

Sorry I Forgot

My friend James got into trouble with his wife when he forgot their wedding anniversary. She demanded recompense: something that would go from 0 to 50 in ten seconds. The next day there was a delivery....

submitted by j.w., 14 February 2014

Getting to Heaven

A young lad has had to go shopping with his Mum but he gets so fed up he asks if he can wait outside the store while his Mum finishes the purchases. While he is waiting there a young vicar comes up to him...

submitted by j.w., 05 February 2014

Diet

A woman went to her Doctor to ask him for advice on dieting. I have this new diet which is very simple said the Doctor. It will take you three days. On the first day eat only meat, on the second day eat only...

submitted by j.w., 27 January 2014

Dental Extraction

This distressed woman went into her dentist, sat down, pulled up her skirt. She opened her legs wide and asked the startled dentist to assist her. I think you have come to the wrong place said the puzzled dentist....

submitted by j.w., 27 January 2014

Pub Crawl

An Irishman is keen on a drink or three and he has been in the pub getting very drunk all evening. He realises he will have trouble getting home but decides some fresh air could help him. He cant stand up but crawls...

submitted by j.w., 27 January 2014

Coma Cure

Mrs Smith has been in coma for several months when it is discovered that when the nurses clean her crotch area she seems to react positively. So the Doctors call in Mr Smith and suggest to him that a bit of oral sex...

submitted by j.w., 27 January 2014

Suicide Bid

A very old woman feels she has had enough of life and wants to end her suffering. She decides to shoot herself in the heart but wants to find out exactly where her heart is. So she rings her Doctor who tells her that...

submitted by j.w., 27 January 2014

Adding & Subtracting

Try this test to see if your losing your marbles. You are driving a bus carrying 17 people from London to Wales. On the way people get on and off the bus. In Reading 7 people get off and 3 people get on, in Stratford 6 people...

submitted by j.w., 15 January 2014

Flashing

This lady Gardener noticed that a neighbour had wonderful red tomatoes. Her tomatoes always stayed green so she asked him how he got such red tomatoes. He told her his secret that he went to his garden just wearing a mack and then...

submitted by j.w., 01 January 2014

Accidents

Grand Ma, Grand Dad says as he gets older he has more accidents. Thats true. What sort of accidents? Er, um, he falls over more often. He says he makes a mess. Oh. Thats because he cuts himself when he falls. Lots of blood. Last...

submitted by j.w., 22 December 2013

Computer Skills

Grand Dad - what do you know about computers? They go to London every day crammed into stuffy trains. Ever heard of a lap top? They are dancers you shouldnt know about. What about a blackberry? Very tasty! Ever heard of an app? Dont...

submitted by j.w., 21 December 2013

Eating Out in Style

Thanks Grand Dad for taking me out to this swish French restaurant. How are you going to start? I thought I would have an aperitif. A pair of teeth! I thought yours were OK. Then what about Hors doeuvre? Im not having horse even if it came...

submitted by j.w., 20 December 2013

England FC

England are the joke. Friendly to the point of giving away any semblance of competence. But like so much humour these days it isnt very funny. But the World Cup beckons, after being friendly to Germany, so when it comes to Brazil we will be...

submitted by j.w., 16 November 2013

Poles

Pole Vault - Came in without a visa Poles Apart - Left the wife behind Pole Jump - Surprise at getting an electric shock Opinion Pole - Knows he is right Pole Tax - New tax on garden equipment Pole Star - In the Premier League South Pole - Lives...

submitted by j.w., 15 November 2013

Dental Care

This sexually active girl felt attracted to the bloke who walked into the club and suggested after a couple of drinks that they should go back to her place for a one night stand. The next morning she said to him: You must be a very good dentist....

submitted by j.w., 22 October 2013
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