Showing jokes submitted by queen mudder.

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Showing page 1 (of 8 pages)

No 69 on Joe Biden's list of gaffes

Vice President Biden has denied endorsing Hillary Clinton for her 2016 presidential run....

submitted by queen mudder, 17 April 2015

Marvin Gaye

The Motown singer was asked about the inspiration behind his hits and named President Obamas favorite vacation hot spot of Marthas Vineyard where he relaxed by turning his attention to animal husbandry....

submitted by queen mudder, 12 February 2015

Obama the famous orinthologist

Barack Obama has been outed as a bit of a bird fancier on the Secret Services Twitter account. Agents say the President sometimes enjoying private down time showing off his hobby to other bird-brained pals....

submitted by queen mudder, 07 December 2014

Plastic surgery

A Los Angeles plastic surgeon has pleaded Not Guilty to gross professional misconduct after sculpting a massive, wobbly 80 inch ass on a female patients behind. Your Honor, the lady pleaded with me to give her...

submitted by queen mudder, 01 November 2014

Bum rap

An airport worker at one of Americas largest package delivery companies has pleaded Not Guilty to stealing a $160,000 diamond before trading it for a $20 bag of weed. 20 year-old Wally Morrison said he swallowed...

submitted by queen mudder, 28 September 2014

Islamic State secret weapon

The Pentagon has received intelligence that Islamic State insurgents have launched a lethal new submarine squadron in Baghdad. Written in weird Persian hieroglyphics the data needs careful deciphering before US generals...

submitted by queen mudder, 06 September 2014

British hospitality website

Remember when booking a stay at a British hotel that theyll charge you for extras such as towels, sheets and toilet paper. Customers paying by credit card can have it deducted from their final bills. Anybody unhappy with...

submitted by queen mudder, 03 September 2014

Obama the Pothead

A high school teacher who tutored Barack Obama says he never initially suspected the student was a stoner. At first I thought this guys just incredibly thorough and painstaking when it comes to doing his homework, Dr Devious...

submitted by queen mudder, 15 August 2014

Cliff Richard bust

Police have raided Cliff Richards Sunningdale apartment following a tip off. An anonymous caller said cleaners had found something utterly horrible stuffed behind the shadows of the singers closet. Turns out it was an early...

submitted by queen mudder, 14 August 2014

Russian divorce

A Russian fertility doctor has been named as co-respondent in an ugly divorce case. Mr Boris Rasputin claims his sub-fertile sperm sample was switched by the doctor for the embryologists own high octane ejaculate. How do you...

submitted by queen mudder, 11 August 2014

Jewish landlords

A whole Palestinian village is in the dock for not paying any rent for the past two years. Their spokesman tells the judge its not their fault because nobody ever billed them for the money. But prosecutors insist monthly rent...

submitted by queen mudder, 09 August 2014

Obama's Iraq blitz

President Obama receives intelligence about heavy drinking by Iraqs warring Islamist militants. He summons the Joint Chiefs of Staff who confirm reports of mass drunkenness in Baghdad last week by the normally abstinent ISIS War...

submitted by queen mudder, 08 August 2014

Obama's Birthday

The Presidents Physician gets a 3am phone call from Barack Obama who thinks he overdid it celebrating his birthday. Symptoms include feeling spaced out, sweaty and terrible heartburn after eating an entire birthday cake made with...

submitted by queen mudder, 04 August 2014

Putin in the closet

A newly appointed Russian security chief has asked the KGB about gay rumors surrounding President Vladimir Putin. Comrade, one of the spooks replies, thats like asking whats the difference between President Putin and the tragic submarine...

submitted by queen mudder, 25 July 2014

Space Station surveillance report

The ISS has apologised about its malfunctioning eye-in-the-sky. Early reports showed a massive, unidentified tornado-like object on New Jerseys George Washington Bridge about to obliterate the Garden State. Fortunately that threat has now...

submitted by queen mudder, 20 July 2014

Law school

A Southern law school recruiter at a New York jobs fair invites 100 graduates to apply for fast tracking to an exclusive course. After a quick preamble describing the degree course he asks the audience Did yall go to Harvard? Uh, Yale! one...

submitted by queen mudder, 26 June 2014

Clinton, Biden, Obama and now George Dubya Bush plead poverty

Thats nothing, Dubya said tonight after President Barack Obama told TV viewers he and Michelle were so strapped for cash they had to resort to twice monthly payday loans. When Laura and I left the White House nearly bankrupt and lost our Triple...

submitted by queen mudder, 24 June 2014

Irish Piss Process

Sinn Fein leader Gerry Adams walks into Antrim Police Station saying he wants to make a statement about Boston Colleges oral hysteries concerning The IRA. Its all the bloody Popes fault, officer, he tells the desk sergeant, for making Protestant...

submitted by queen mudder, 06 May 2014

Putin's new wife

Gorgeous former Olympic rhythmic gymnast Alina Kabaeva is giving Party Wives an anatomy lecture about the importance of toning up abdominal muscles after the birth of a baby. She strips down to her sparkly leotard to demonstrate a few kicks and...

submitted by queen mudder, 07 April 2014

Joe Biden on Valerie Jarrett

President Obamas senior adviser for Pubic Liaison and Intergovernmental Affairs is NOT dating NBC personality Ahmad Rashad, Vice President Joe Biden said today. The off-the-record remark to a NewsCorpse reporter comes amid widespread rumors calling...

submitted by queen mudder, 16 March 2014

Jimmy Savile and royal advice

The old perv once told Prince Philip he found older women absolutely terrifying and the thought of shagging one gave him panic attacks. I totally sympathise Prince Philip remarked before recalling some dreadful aversion therapy hed once experienced...

submitted by queen mudder, 13 March 2014

Russia's Foreign Minister Lavrov

His mother knew as soon as he was born Pussy Riot singer Putina Klitoriskaya said, thats why she called him Sir Gay. Friends of Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Viktorovich Lavrov, 69, of course deny such slurs upon his manhood. After all, at a recent...

submitted by queen mudder, 03 March 2014

Monica Lewinsky marriage proposal

The ex-White House intern says she got the shock of her life when Utahs former Attorney General asked her to marry him. I had no idea John was going to propose, Monica said, because hes already married, has five kids and is a pretty strait-laced Mormon....

submitted by queen mudder, 28 February 2014

Yum, Chernobyl!

Vladimir Putin telephones Ukraines acting president demanding to know what hes planning for the defunct Chernobyl nuclear plant. Its going to be a themed seafood restaurant called Fission Chips, Oleksandr Turchynov replies, specialising in chargrilled delicacies....

submitted by queen mudder, 27 February 2014
Showing page 1 (of 8 pages)

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