Jokes

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All jokes submitted by Illusnist.

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Bovine Mechanics

A man is driving down a country road in the middle of dairy farm country when his car stalls inexplicably. He gets out and raises the hood to see if he can find out whats happened....

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The Doctor Visit

Then there is the fellow who goes to a doctor for a physical checkup. The nurse begins by asking the basic questions....

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A Modern Fairytale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, Will you marry me?...

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Let's Take A Vote

And then there was the political candidate who called his wife up excitedly, saying, Congratulate me! Ive just won the election!...

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Fore!

Tom had always dreamed of being a pro golfer....

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Made in Japan

A Japanese businessman/tourist takes a taxi at Honolulu airport for a 30-minute ride to his Waikiki Beach hotel. On the way he sees a hospital building being built....

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From The Eyes of a Child

And there was the Sunday school teacher who asked all of the children to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. There were pictures of mangers, and boats filled with animals, and many other things,...

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Loosen Up

There was a man who went to see the doctor for the first time in years, and complained that he wasnt feeling well. At last, he was admitted in to the doctor, and the conversation went something like this:...

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Playing Spoons

It was early in the school year, and we look in on the home economics teacher who is instructing her cooking class in the art of preparing perfect sauces. Then she tells the students to begin preparing...

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Turnabout

Consider the married couple who is out together on their luxury fishing boat. The husband usually takes the wheel, but he decides its time for his wife to have a little practice in case there is ever...

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What Would You Do?

Some men get along better when theyre in the dark. Thats the lesson to be learned, anyway, when two deaf men are talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first man...

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Everything in Texas is big

There was once this blind man who was on a plane to Texas, he felt the seats and said Wow, this seats are big and the women beside him said, everyhting is big in Texas. When the man finally arrived...

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Government Jobs

Think of the fellow who stops at a rural gas station to fill his tank. As he is pumping the gas, he watches two men working along the roadside. One man digs a hole 2 or 3 feet deep and then moves on....

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Chain of Command

Corporal Conroy needed to use a pay phone, but didnt have change for a dollar. He saw Private Duncan mopping the bases corridor floors, and asked him, Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Private...

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Fishing with Sis

Consider the boy who is taking care of his baby sister while his parents are in town shopping. He decides to go fishing and he takes her along. Ill never do that again, he tells his mother that evening....

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A Coffee Surprise

One morning, a grandmother was surprised to find that her 7-year-old grandson had made her coffee! Smiling, she choked down the worst cup of her life. When she finished, she found three little green Army...

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Email Makes The Difference

An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager arranges for him to take an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning). After the test, the manager says, You...

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Geography is her strong point

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them. A friend says, OK, whats the capital of Wisconsin? The blonde replies, Oh, thats easy:...

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The girl gets it first

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde...

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Finding Yourself

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, Hmm, this person looks familiar. The second blonde says,...

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Marine Watch

A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, How should I know, thats 200 miles from here! and hung up. The husband asked, Who was...

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Dodging Trees

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. My God! the trooper...

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Smartest man in the world

A hitchhiker, George W. Bush, and a pilot were flying through some rough weather. All through the flight, Bush kept telling the hitchhiker how smart he was, almost as though he were the smartest man in...

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Didja Ever Notice?

Why is it that the people who are in the biggewst...

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