I used to love going down the pub.
You used to get all these nutters in there.
Anyway...where was I...?
Oh yeah. In the pub...
I used to sit with all the doleys in the corner. Giro Corner, it was known as. Lovely bunch of ne'er do wells.
One day I was sitting having a pint with the lads, and there's this bloke sat opposite. With a dog. Dinner time it was. About one pee em.
And this dog, like - it was grooming itself.
Licking its nuts and its todger like.
With unbridled enthusiasm.
For some reason, we all started watching this dog.
Anyway, one of the lads, Snuffy we called him cos he took snuff - not cos he were into death or owt like that, he says:
"I wish I could do that..."
"Ask him," I said. "He might let you..."
Waited years to use that line, I had.
True story that.
I'll get me coat.