I wouldn't say my wife was fat, but she generates her own gravity field. Which came in handy when she was out on the pull.
In fact, if she puts on any more weight the sun will start going round her! She could crack a cannonball between her thighs.
Surgery was no good. When they tried to tie her stomach off they ran out of thread. Cutting through all that fat wasn't easy. Fortunately the surgeon was a potholer.
Her intestines looked like the pipe that brought in the North Sea gas. It's lucky he hasn't heard her fart. It records 5 on the Richter Scale and rattles the windows 3 miles away.
After the operation he said, 'I've been inside your wife. I hope you don't mind.'
'Not at all, mate.' I said. 'That took a lot of guts.'