The Government has refused proper health care to many elderly citizens due to their advancing years. It is a worrying problem for many but help is at hand.
Join the new free care plan today. If you are 60 years or older, you can apply. All new members will receive a gun and four bullets.
You are allowed to shoot one MP (two if you live in England), one MSP, one councillor and just to be sure of a long sentence, someone you really don't like and think the world could do without.
As part of the plan, you will leave enough evidence to make sure you are caught and in due course will be sent to prison.
There you will get a safe central heated environment, three meals a day, lots of company, free TV and an assortment of games plus - most importantly - all the health care you need!
New teeth needed? No problem.
New glasses? They'll be provided.
New hip, knees, kidney, lung, heart? They're all covered too.
And who will pay for all of this? The same government that told you they cannot afford your current health care.
And as an added bonus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay income tax anymore.