Doug came home unexpectedly early from work only to find his wife lying in bed naked with large hickies all over her neck and big red bruises and red welts all over her breasts.
She had obviously been ravaged in sexual passion. Doug then noticed a burning cigar on the nightstand next to the bed. He screamed at his wife, "What is going on here? Who did this to you?"
His wife calmly and innocently said, "No one, Doug, Whenever I try to smoke a cigar, I break out in a rash!"