The King of the Jungle was out for a swing one day. As luck would have it, he took his eyes off the jungle for just a moment to adjust his loincloth, and slammed into a tree.
It was a horrible accident. He lost one of his eyes, one of his arms, and his penis in the crash.
So, he went to the local witch doctor.
"Doc," said Tarzan, "me need help. Me run into tree. Lose eye, arm, even 'mini-Tarzan.' You can help?"
The witch doctor rummaged through his things for a few minutes, then informed the King of the Jungle that he would have to return tomorrow, as he needed to collect a few supplies.
Well, Tarzan did come back the next day. "You help Tarzan now?" he asked.
"I hope so," said the witch doctor, "I did the best I could. I have an eagle's eye, an orangutan's arm, and although I was unable to find a penis, I managed to acquire an elephant's trunk that should suffice.
"Let's just attach these, and you can come back next week and tell me if you've had any problems."
The witch doctor was a highly skilled surgeon; with the operation completed soon afterward, Tarzan left to try out his new features for a week.
When he returned, the witch doctor asked, "Well, how did it go?"
"Me like a lot eagle eye," said Tarzan. "Tarzan see very far and very good with eagle eye. Can spot ant walking on ground from high in tree.
"Tarzan like new arm, too," he said. "Me swing high and far now, better than before. Tarzan cross river in one swing now.
"But... Tarzan have problem with elephant trunk."
"Oh?" queried the witch doctor, concerned. "And what is that?"
"Every time Tarzan have to pee," he explained, turning a little red, "me take out trunk, but trunk reach down, grab handful of grass, then shove it up Tarzan's butt."