A lonely, elderly widower loved his cat so dearly that he tried to teach it to talk. "If I can get Tabby to talk with me," he reasoned, "I won't have to bother with ornery human beings at all!"
First, the man tried feeding the cat a diet of canned salmon, then one of canaries. Tabby obviously loved both, but still wouldn't learn to talk.
Then, one day years after he had begun the project, the man had two
parrots cooked in butter and served to Tabby with asparagus and French fries. Tabby eagerly licked the plate clean.
Then, wonder of wonders, suddenly turned to her master and shouted,
The startled widower didn't respond. He didn't move a muscle.
Instantly, the ceiling caved in a buried the poor man, but Tabby survived by jumping out of the way.
The cat shook her head in disgust and said, "Eight years he spends getting me to talk and then the idiot doesn't listen."