President Obama receives intelligence about heavy drinking by Iraq's warring Islamist militants.
He summons the Joint Chiefs of Staff who confirm reports of mass drunkenness in Baghdad last week by the normally abstinent ISIS War Lords.
Something made them go downtown to get apeshit Mr President, one of Pentagon generals says.
Fortunately all Baghdad's illicit drinking dens have now been burnt down or reduced to rubble.
That's the news I was waiting for, Obama replies.
It means they can all get bombed at home instead.