Queen Elizabeth called in a dog psychologist after one of her pooches deliberately started passing gas at state occasions.
The renowned canine shrink spent several minutes alone with his new patient when its sudden yelp brought HM running into the examination room.
'WTF are you doing to darling Bertie?' Her Majesty cried in horror as she saw the doc's dick up the dog's arse.
'It's called fracking therapy, Ma'am,' the man replied, 'a pioneering treatment for bad-ass mutts.'
'You bastard, I'm going to report you to the RSPCA.' the Queen shouted.
'Oh, they won't do anything about it, they know I'm Corgi registered!'