I have been really puzzled about seeing farther over my neighbors fence when I sit on the couch. So I told Myrtle about it.
"That's because your ass is getting so big, you're sitting up higher!"
"Well that's YOUR fault!"
"You watch that Food Channel and they show you all this stuff they put together and it looks delicious but you can't make any of it. It's on TV and I know YOU are not going to try it. So we go out to eat and when we get back, you turn that channel back on and....say Myrtle, did you know that our neighbor has spotted me and his wife just got up from sunning herself and he's putting barbed wire on his fence?"