Secrets of the confessional

Submitted by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 20 February 2013

A priest is showing his Bishop a new 'Honesty Box' where parishioners attending Confession can make 'appropriate' donations by way of penance instead of cash.

'Why only last week I found a bottle of Bulls Blood Wine, Your Eminence,' Fr Patrick explains.

'And what sort of person do you think might have left that, Paddy?' the Bishop asks.

'Well, Your Eminence,' the priest replies, 'it could have been any one of the Murphys, the O'Connors or the O'Briens - bestiality and sheep-shagging vampirism runs riot in their blood.'

'Yes, most appropriate,' the Bishop chuckles examining an informal 'tariff' of suitable donations posted beside the Box.

Then just as he's leaving he sees Sister Brigid enter the church wearing huge dark glasses and carrying a bottle inside a supermarket bag.

'Your Eminence, there's been a terrible outbreak recently over at the Convent,' the priest explains, 'involving oral sex with Mother Superior; this might have something to do with it.'

The Bishop looks stunned as the nun slips a one litre bottle out of the carrier and hastily legs it from the church.

'Oral sex with a mother superior?' the Bishop cries.

Says Fr Paddy: 'Ah, yes, that'll be a bottle of Blew Nun.'

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