Opening Scene; Dirty Hairy's SF Precinct Headquarters.
Scene 1, Take 2 and call us after the election:
Lt. Dressler: Hey Callahand, remember the RNC Empty Chair Case? Guess we were wrong. Turns out it was the other guy who could and actually did do it to himself?
Dirty Hairy: Yah? How's that Lieutenant?
Lt. Dressler: Seems he's been caught, a number of times now, in public and in various embarrassing and offensive ways, doing it to himself. He might even be a serial politifiler.
Dirty Hairy: Serial Politifiler! What makes you think that?
Inspector De Gorgio: Well Hairy, the information is still a little sketchy, but it looks like the suspect candidate may have been caught doing it to several of his party goers, while they were trying to get seats at a house in D.C. Up until now, he's been ignoring the poor and middle class, but that's more the reason for us to think they're at risk and not safe.
Lt. Dressler: (Telephone Rings, Answers) Yes Mayor. Really. I understand. Yes Sir (hangs up the phone). Bad news Hairy. That was the Mayor and District Attorney. It seems that Obsessive Abusive Politifiling is not yet against the law.
Dirty Hairy: Yah? When are you people going to make my day and stop playing around with these damn politifilers. I guess its up to me, as usual, to ignore the damn rules and tell the citizens like it is; and that's why they call me Dirty Hairy.
Inspector De Gorgio: Come on Hairy, what can you tell the voters that will make any difference?
Dirty Hairy: Well Lard Bucket, how about this (Hairy looks out and addresses the empty chairs in the squad room): I know what you're thinking punks: Did the candidate in-eloquently and abusively shoot his mouth off six or only five times? Well to tell you the truth, through all the political bull and sidestepping, I've sort of lost track myself. But being as this man is a loose cannon, and if elected President, the most powerful dude in the world, he could and probably would, sooner-then-later, shoot his mouth off again, and maybe get ours blown clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punks?
Anticipated Release Date: Tuesday, November 6, 2012
A Malpassoh Production.
Starring: The Not So Ready for Presidential Politics Players
Directed By: Walter
Screen Play By: The Order of the Empty Chair
Based on the yet written book by Walter, "Last Minute - Notable Republican Presidential Campaign Replacements; the Eastwood/Freeman Ticket." (Sorry. That last credit was Unforgiven'able).