Frantic 'Mayday! Mayday!' radio signals were picked up last night from a solo round-the-world yachtswoman off the Gulf of Mexico during the onslaught of Hurricane Nadine.
US Coastguards monitoring the transmission were quick to respond to the emergency and did their level best to save the woman whose navigation skills seemed somewhat crude.
"Freak waves have affected the boat's steering," a transcript of the radio communique reads, "and a huge loan shark has suddenly appeared off my starboard prow."
"OK, lady," the Coastguard replied, "we'll get you through this, but you need to answer a few simple questions before we can proceed.
"Sure, fire away," the woman replied as waves continued to lash her hapless craft.
"Well, Ma'am, we just need to know both your inclination and your position."
"Oh, that's easy," came the reply, "I'm kinda bisexual and a Mitt Romney supporter,"
After a few minutes silence came the reply:
"We suggest you bail out now, Ma'am, and abandon ship!"