The Five Five Questions That Women Ask Men Most: With the Vital Answers Given

Submitted by Inchcock
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Tuesday, 21 August 2012

The questions are:

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?


What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth).

Therefore, as a public service, each question is analysed below, along with possible responses.

1. What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is:
"I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are and how lucky I am to have met you."

Inappropriate answers:

a. Nowt really.
b. Football.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you.
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

2. Do you love me?
The proper response is:
"Yes!", or if you feel a more detailed answer is in order "Yes, dear!"

Inappropriate responses include:

a. I suppose so.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?


3. Do I look fat in this?

The correct answer is:
An emphatic "Of course not!"

Incorrect:

a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're thighs sure do make a lot of noise.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

4. Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic "Of course not!"

Incorrect responses:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality.
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
d. Define pretty.
e. Could you repeat the question, I was thinking of the insurance money again.

5. What would you do if I died?

A definite no win question here.

The real answer, of course, is "Buy a new Porsche."

No matter how you answer this question, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up question, usually along these lines:

Woman: Would you get married again?
Man: Definitely not!

Woman: Why not ... don't you like being married?
Man: Of course, I do.

Woman: Then why wouldn't you re-marry?
Man: OK, I'd get married again.

Woman: You Would? Hurtful look on face)
Man: Yes, I would.

Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with hers?
Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
Man: She can't use them, she is left handed!

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