A Scotsman was out having a very good time on Saturday night sampling the local product and on the way home he passed out along the lane. Later in the night a wind came blowing by and blew his kilt up to his waist. Well, we all know what a real Scotsman wears under his kilt.
Early Sunday morning the 2 town spinsters came by and saw him laying there. "Prudence have you ever seen such a sight!" one exclaimed. "No I haven't Purity. He deserves some kind of punishment." as she searched her bag. "Here this should do it." And she tied a ribbon around his member. "Serves him right" they huffed and continued on to church.
Later the Scotsman awoke and looked down at his member and saw the bright blue ribbon tied around it and said "Aye Laddie, I dunna know where ye been, but ye won ferst prize!."
Tragically though the man's penis then became infected with a bacterial wasting virus.
Several days later, in excruciating pain his penis had to amputated.
Two months after this he took his own life.
There is nothing clever about fixing a ribbon to a cock. Nothing.