As it stands today, 100 out of 100 squirrels do not own an X-Box 360.
26 out of 26 African children will never spontaneously sprout antennae from their foreheads and communicate via electro-magnetic waves.
82 out of 82 petrol station franchise part-owners will never know the sweet embrace of a southern long-nosed armadillo
and 7 out of 7 Portuguese dentists will never have a jewel-encrusted ham sandwich forcibly inserted into their navel as an offering to Hatmehit, the Egyptian fish god.
Alarming statistics to say the least. But YOU can make a difference by sending me $500 immediately.
Remember: There is no "I" in Creme Brulee. Forward this on if you hate squirrels.