20 More Adult (Be warned) Jokes

Submitted by Inchcock
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Tuesday, 17 July 2012

1)
Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay ?
A: They don't have time!

2)
Q: Whats the difference between a chicken and a hooker?
A: A chicken says cock-a-doodle-doo a hooker says any-cock;ll-do!

3)
Q: What does KFC and a woman have in common?
A: Once you're done with the breasts and the thighs, there's still a greasy box to put your bone in!

4)
Q: Why are electric trains like a mother's breasts?
A: They were both designed for the kids, but it's the fathers who are always playing with them.

5)
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: "I don't know why you're shaking...she's gonna Eat me!"

6)
Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
A: Hold unto your nuts - This is no ordinary Blow Job!

7)
Q: Why do women have two holes so close together?
A: In case men miss!

8)
Q: What's long, hard, and has semen in it?
A: A submarine!

9)
Q: What's so bad about being a dick?
A: Your closest mates are 2 nuts and an ass hole, your master covers you in a plastic bag, And every time you get excited you spew!

9)
Q: What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!

10)
Q: Why do men masturbate?
A: It's sex with someone they love!

11)
Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties!

12)
Q: How do you know you're leading a sad life?
A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends!"

13)
Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don't work!

14)
Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A: If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts!

15)
Q: What do you do when your wife's staggering?
A: Shoot her again!

16)
An elderly couple met for a romp in the broom closet at the nursing home.
They undressed and were about to have sex, when the woman decided to warn the man of her heart condition.
"I should tell you, I have acute angina" she said.
The man replied, "Thats good because you have the ugliest breasts I ever seen!"

17)
The chicken and the egg are laying in bed.
The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face while the egg is frowning and looking slightly annoyed.
The egg mutters "Well I guess that answers that riddle"

18)
A woman calls her husband into the bedroom. "Now Mike, I want you to take off my blouse!"
"Good.."
"Now I also want you to take off my Bra."
"Good..."
"Now can you take off my panties."
"Very Good! Now, don't let me catch you wearing them again!"

19)
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"
She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?

20)
It was a nice sunny day when three men were walking down a country road, when they saw a bush with a pig's ass popping out.
The first man says, "I wish that was Demi Moore's Ass"
The second man says, "I wish that was Pamela Anderson's Ass."
Then the third man says, "I wish it was dark!"

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