If it is all too much ring 0800 1734167890
Thank you for calling the Mental Health Hotline:
If you are obsessive compulsive press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities press 3 4 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid we know what you are and what you want you want, stay on the line and someone will trace your call.
If you are delusional press 7 and you will be transferred to the Mother Ship.
If you are depressive it don't matter what number you press nobody wants to listen to you.