1) Arachnoleptic fit (n.)
The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
2) Beelzebug (n.)
Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out.
3) Bozone (n.)
The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4) Cashtration (n.)
The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
5) Dopelar effect (n.)
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly.
6) Extraterrestaurant (n.)
An eating place where you feel you've been abducted and experimented upon. Also known as an E-T-ry.
7) Foreploy (n.)
Any misrepresentation or outright lie about yourself that leads to sex.
8) Intaxication (n.)
Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.
9) Kinstirpation (n.)
A painful inability to move relatives who come to visit.
10) Oriblman (n.)
A shorter alternative for David Cameron.