Black holes are where God divided by zero.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
The conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.