Chuck Norris

Submitted by P.M. Wortham
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Wednesday, 18 January 2012

Why doesn't Chuck Norris run for President?
Chuck Norris doesn't run for, or from anything.

Chuck Norris is the head of the Chuck Norris Political Party and the rest of the American citizenry are loyal party members. Why? Because Chuck Norris says so.

The only reason there are other presidential candidates is because Chuck Norris allows them to live.

Chuck Norris's war on terror would only require the placement of a couple of reclaimed IED's into the proper strategic rectums. Letters of apology would be exepcted from the rest of the terrorist community in 24 hours.

Chuck Norris would solve the Greek debt crisis by consuming coal and passing perfectly shaped diamonds into the Greek repository. There would be no need for washing. Chuck's bowels are the pinnacle of intestinal efficiency.

Chuck Norris passed his last IRS audit by agreeing to let his adjuster go "with just a warning this time".

Chuck Norris invented the exclamation point. Chuck Norris IS the exclamation point.

Chuck Norris also invented the straight line and then kicked its ass to form the ampersand.

Chuck Norris then round house kicked the ampersand to form the @ sign so that we could use e-mail addresses.

You use E-Mail because Chuck Norris allows the royalty free use of his @ sign, and because he allows you to live.

Chuck Norris's hair is used to cut cheese, concrete block and steel.
Before choosing to make a joke about Chuck Norris cutting the cheese, your affairs should be in order.

Chuck Norris invented the "Hospital Corner" of a crisply folded bed sheet, mostly because Chuck Norris spends far too much time putting people in hospital beds.

Chuck Norris doesn't take pain killers, he prescribes them.

The Chuck Roast was named in tribute to Chuck Norris, because Chuck appreciates a good hunk of dead meat.


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