Why are men endowed with a half ounce more brains than dogs?
So they know not to embarass themselves by humping women's knees at parties!
Why don't men get hemorrhoids?
Because they are all perfect ass-holes!
Why do men snore?
When they fall asleep, their balls cover their assholes and they vapour lock!
What's the difference between government bonds and men?
How does an older woman keep her youth?
By giving him money!
What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum!
What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home!
Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there!
What is the best way to get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes!
What do you call a handcuffed man?