Q) What is white and furry and smells of peppermint?
A) A polo bear.
There has been a theft at Euro Disney.
A man has been charged with taking the Mickey.
Honk your horn if you love peace and quiet.
Q) Who appears in cowboy films and is always broke?
A) Skint Eastwood.
5) Two little old ladies were walking through the park one Sunday afternoon. The band was playing a catchy sounding tune, and one of the old ladies said, "I wonder what the name of that tune is". The other one noticed a sign posted near the bandstand and said, "It looks like they post the names of their selections. I'll go down and see".
A while later she came back and told her companion, "It's the Refrain from Spitting".
Q) What do you get if you cross a fruit with a Welshman?
A) A taffy apple.
A man wants into a bar and asks for a pint of lager and a packet of helicopter crisps.
'Sorry', said the barman, 'we don't have any helicoper crisps, we only have plane.'
Railway Porter (cheerfully) - Miss the train, sir?
Passenger - No, I didn't like the look of it, so I chased it out of the station!
A minister was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners, who he knew was an unkempt housekeeper.
When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.
"Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.
She replied, "They're as clean as soap and water could get them."
He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes.
When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled, to her dogs "Here Soap! Here Water!"
A lad of 12 was a dedicated stamp collector until the kid next door bought an album also. "He buys every stamp I do," the kid complained to his father, "and had taken all the fun of it away."
"Don't be a fool, my boy," said his Dad, "Remember, imitation is the sincerest form of philately."
Bob had been out diving off the Florida Keys for days looking for sunken treasure, but had had no luck. One day, while wading back onto the beach, he tripped over a chest filled with diamonds, rubies, and emeralds! Bob was heard to say as he carried the chest away, "Well it just goes to show you that booty is only shin deep!"
A man goes into a fish n chip shop with a salmon under his arm. He asks 'Do you sell fish cakes here?'
'No' was the reply.
'Shame, it's his birthday!'