Selection of Football Jokes (12)

Submitted by Inchcock
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Thursday, 3 November 2011

Man United
Q: What do you call a Man. Utd supporter with no arms and legs?

A: Trustworthy.

Glasgow Celtic
Q: Do you know what Celtic really stands for?

A: A: Celtic Even Lost To Inverness Caley

Notts County
An old man hands over 50 quid to the turnstyle operator at Meadow Lane.

Man: Two please.

Turnstyle Operator: Sir, will that be Defenders or Strikers?

Glasgow Rangers
Q: How is a pint of milk different then a Rangers fan?

A: If you leave the milk out for a week it develops a culture!

Two Man City fans
Two Man City fans were walking through a cemetery when they happened upon a tombstone that read:

"Here lies John Sweeney, a good man and a Chelsea fan."

So, one of them asked the other: "When the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?"

Chelsea Fans
Q: What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon?
A: A Problem.

Q: What do you call 100 Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: An even bigger problem.

Q: What do you call all the Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: Problem solved

Beck's and Posh
David Beckham is celebrating; "43 days, 43 days!" he shouts happilly.

Posh asks him why he's celebrating.

He answers "Well Honey, I've done this jigsaw in only 43 days."

"And that's good?" asks Posh.

"You bet Hon" says David, "It says 3 to 6 years on the box."


Q: Why is David Beckham like a Ferrero Roche?

A: They both come in a posh box


Q: What do David Beckham and British rail trains have in common.

A: They both go in and out of Victoria

David Beckham has gone crazy believing Posh has been having an affair on him.

In manic rage, he goes out and buys a gun, then he rushes home to confront his wife, and finds her in bed with none other than Ruud Van Nistelroy.

Devastated, Beckham takes out the gun and points it at his own head.

"No, David don't do it." Posh cries jumping up from her spot underneath the covers...."I'm sorry and I know we can work this out."

"Shut up and sit back Victoria." Beckham replies. "You're next."

Romeo Beckham
Its the year 2019 and Romeo Beckham is about to sign professional terms with Manchester United.

Pondering the situation, he asks his Father, "What squad number should I ask for dad?"

David thinks for a moment and says...

"Wear four out there Romeo"

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