Andy Thorn the Coventry City manager was furious when he saw two young lads climbing over the stadium wall.
He grabbed them by the scruff of the next and threw them back, shouting "You stay in there and watch the match till the end like everyone else!"
Snow White arrived back to find her house a complete wreck.
She frantically searched the rubble looking for any survivors.
Finally she heard a little voice shouting "England for the World Cup, England for the World Cup, England for the World Cup,!"
"Ah good", she thought, "At least Dopey's OK"
Rangers vs Celtic
I went to the fight last week and a football match broke out!
Van Gogh sold
A father and son were sitting eating breakfast. The fathers newspaper had the headline "Van Gogh sold for £9 million".
The son asked "Is van Gogh worth it, Dad?",
The father, surprised at his son's sudden interest in fine art, replied "I suppose so, son. Why do you ask?"
"Well, Liverpool paid more than that for Collymore, and he was crap"
Nottingham Forest scout Gerry Attrick returns from Bosnia raving about a new teenage superstar he's seen in the war torn country.
He sounds so good that manager Steve Cotterill, desperate to make sure no one else sign him up first, signs the boy without looking at him for himself.
The boy arrives in Nottingham for Saturday's game, and is on the bench. With ten minutes to go Patrick Bamford gets injured and is stretchered off.
Steve Cotterill points to the new Bosnian boy: "This is your big chance, son. Go out there and do the business for us".
The lad strips off his shell suit and takes to the pitch.
In those dying minutes he's a revelation, scoring a hat trick.
The City Ground crowd goes mad.
After the game Steve Cotterill gives the new boy a big hug in the changing room.
"Great first performance son. Go and give your parents a ring at home. They'll be so proud of you. You can use the phone in my office".
The lad goes into the boss's office and rings his Mum. "Mum, I've just had the best debut ever; I scored a hat-trick!... What's the matter, you don't sound very happy? Why are you crying? Is everything okay?"
"No, son, today has been the worst yet. Your dad has been mugged and shot, they've raped your sister, stolen the car, and the house has been burnt to the ground."
"God, Mum, that's terrible; I'm really sorry"
"So you should be. It was your idea for all of us to move to Nottingham!"