Selection of Football Jokes (3)

Submitted by Inchcock
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Thursday, 3 November 2011

A Chelsea, a Man Utd, and a Liverpool fan arrested
Three football supporters are in Saudi on holiday and decide to have an alcoholic beverage.

The next thing they know the place is raided by the police and they are before a judge.

The first man, a Chelsea supporter says I am brave, please give me 20 lashes but put a pillow on my back. The judge agrees to this.

The second man, a Man Utd fan, says, I am braver, give me 40 lashes but can I have 2 pillows. The judges says yes, I admire your bravery.

Finally a Liverpool supporter comes forward, says look here, I'll have 200 lashes, at this the judge says do you wish to have a pillow on your back, he replys no, just strap the Man Utd fan to me back instead!

Liverpool Fans
Q. If Man United fans watch MUTV, and Chelsea fans watch Chelsea TV, what do Liverpool fans watch?

A. The History Channel.

Referees
I can't stand those people who hate football but still go along to games to deliberately cause trouble and ruin them for everybody else.

Bloody referees!

Fabio Capello
It's Fabio Capello's first day as England manager and he walks into the showers and sees a large poo on the floor.

He goes straight to the dressing room to confront the players and asks "Who's shit on the floor?"

At which point Peter Crouch sticks his hand up and says "Yeah, but I'm good in the air!"

Fabio Capello has set up a friendly match against Iceland to try to cheer the fans up.

If we beat them, we go on to play Tesco's and then Sainsburys!

Fabio Capello has just announced England will be adopting the Italian defence strategy.

As soon as a shot is fired, everyone runs away.

Alternative England Team
Just seen the line up for the next England game.

Benny Hill, Tommy Cooper, Bernard Manning up front.

Lenny Henry, Joe Pasquale and the Chuckle brothers in mid field.

Freddie Starr, Frank Carson and Captain Mainwaring at the back. And

Roy Chubby Brown in goal.

Well if they lose, at least they're paid for taking the piss.

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