There was a young player from Tottenham,
His manners he'd gone and forgotten 'em.
One day at the doc's
He took off his socks,
Because he complained he felt hot in 'em.
Little Jack Horner once took a corner,
And belted the ball so high,
With the keeper upset,
It went straight in the net,
So he said, 'What a good boy am I'.
A striker from somewhere in Kent,
Took free kicks which dipped and then bent,
In a match on the telly ,
He gave one some welly ,
And the keeper the wrong way he sent.
There was a young player called Kelly,
Who couldn't play 'cos of his belly,
When he ran on the pitch,
He caused a big ditch,
So he just watches games on the telly.
There once was a footballing cat,
Who played in a black bowler hat,
When he ran down the wing,
He could not see a thing,
And you can guess what the crowd thought of that!
A team of footballers from Stroud,
Had supporters who shouted too loud,
When all ceased their din,
Goals just rocketed in,
So now they're a much quieter crowd.
A football pitch groundsman from Leeds,
Went and swallowed a packet of seeds,
In less than an hour ,
His head was in flower,
And his feet were all covered in weeds!
A player who turned out for Dover,
Had no shirt, so he wore a pullover,
But the thing was too long,
And he put it on wrong,
So that all he could do was fall over!
There was a goalkeeper called Walter,
Who played on the island of Malta,
But his kicks were so long,
And the wind was so strong,
That the ball ended up in Gibraltar!
There was a young player from Clyde,
Took a penalty kick that went wide,
That next match his brother,
Well, he missed another,
And now neither can get in the side!
A footballing lad named Paul,
Could do fabulous things with a ball,
In one of his tricks,
With a series of flicks,
He managed to knock down a brick wall!
A striker who came from Devizes,
Did little to help to win prizes,
When asked for a reason,
He said, 'Well, this season,
My boots were of two different sizes!'