Bill's Trousers

Submitted by IN SEINE
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Monday, 19 September 2011

Because Shakespeare was so deeply absorbed during the writing of his tragedies, he put almost impossible strains on his bladder. To make matters even worse, the tiny hooks and eyes that his tailor had placed on his pants slowed down the process considerably. So the playwright demanded that the tailor make larger hooks and eyes.

After a few days of trial, the Bard reported back, "Truly it's speedier these larger hooks and eyes, but still and all, when I'm in a hurry, it's not quick enough. So I want you to redesign my trousers using leather ties." The tailor did exactly as he was told and Shakespeare jumped into the pants without delay.

Exactly one week later, however, the playwright was back at his door. "Truly the leather straps are faster than those hooks and eyes, but even so it's still too slow. So I propose that you throw away the straps and just cut me a little hole."

The tailor bounced to his feet. "You ask for hooks, I give you hooks. You ask for straps, I give you straps. But holes? Holes! You of all people ought to know that there's no holes, Bard!"

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