Women's Word Usage Explained for Men

Submitted by Inchcock
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Thursday, 14 July 2011

FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments, and you will lose!

FIVE MINUTES: This is approximately half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the rubbish, so it's an even trade. In the case of her demanding you being ready in 'five minutes', failure to comply in the given time, can be fatal!

NOTHING: This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and painfully backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the statement "Fine", and the woman's verbal victory over you.

GO AHEAD: (With Raised Eyebrows!) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine" and the woman's verbal victory yet again over you.

GO AHEAD: (Normal Eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing", knowing she will again be victorious over you.

SOFT SIGH: Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, do not pass wind, belch, or move at all, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow", when this occurs, you are in great danger, at Defcon 1, and need to be submissive to try and avoid further altercations, and pain!

GO AHEAD!: At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. She is already planning and scheming how to make you suffer to the greatest degree for whatever actions it is that she has apparently given you permission to do!

PLEASE DO: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome, leave the room and have a drink.

THANKS A LOT: This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing", and then give you a verbal bashing about what is wrong with you or your actions.

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