1) Man to dog trainer: "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes into the corner."
Dog trainer: "That's OK, he is a Boxer."
2) A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning." Her husband replies, "Well, lots of dogs can do that." The wife responded, "But we've never subscribed to any!"
3) During break time at obedience school, two dogs were talking.
One said to the other..."The thing I hate about obedience school is you learn ALL this stuff you will never use in the real world."
4) A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says "My dog is cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" The vet says, "Well, let's have a look at him." So the vet picks the dog up while examining his eyes. Finally he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Just because he is cross-eyed?" "No, because he is really, really heavy."
5) On the door of the little country store a stranger noticed the sign Danger! - Beware of the Dog!. Inside he saw an aged, harmless old Labrador dog sleeping on the floor besides the cash register.
He asked the store manager, "Is 'That' the dog folks are supposed to be aware of?" "Yes, that's him," he replied.
The stranger could not help but be amused. "That certainly does not look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"
"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."
6) A man was very proud of his guard dog, he would leave it to roam free in the garden to show the world his house was guarded. One day a woman knocked at his door. "Is that your big dog outside?"
Wondering how she had got past him he said "Yes why?" She said "I'm sorry but my dog just killed him!"
"What??" Roared the man "What kind of dog have you got??" "A Peke" Replied the woman.
"A Peke??? how could that little thing kill my big fine guard dog?"
"I think it got stuck in his throat!" Replied the woman.
7) A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was exhibiting an extraordinary performance.
"That is a very smart dog," the man commented.
"He's not so smart," said one of the irked players. "Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."
8) Q: When's the best time to take your doberman pinscher for a walk?
A: Anytime he wants to go.
10) The front door was accidentally left open and our dog was gone.
After unsuccessfully whistling and calling, my husband got in the car and went looking for him. He drove around the neigbourhood for some time with no luck.
Finally he stopoed beside a couple out for a walk and asked if they had seen our dog.
"You mean the one following your car?" they asked.