Stand Up

Submitted by j.w.
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Monday, 9 May 2011

Stand up for yourself!
I do, every time I stand in front of a mirror

Stand up at the back of the class.
I'm screwing Diana, Sir.
Fuck me!
Sorry sir. You're too old and fat.

Stand up comedy.
A prick who is a flop on the comedy circuit.

Stand Up! Stand Up!
It's viagra you need sir.

Stand up when the Head comes into the room.
How can girls do that sir?
It's your pricks the Head wants.

Stand up for the Queen.
I've only got one leg.
That's no excuse
I've got no legs, will that do?

Stand Up!
At last. I never thought this stadium would have a stand.

Stand Down!
Oh dear. Faulty construction.

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