Joke #1

So there's this old fella, right, and he's lookin' for a wife 'cos his old cheese has just left him, right. So walks into a shop, right, and sees what he thinks is the most lovely thing he's ever seen, right. So he walks over and puts his arm around it, right. "You come here often?" he enquires. No response is forthcoming. "Hey, you standing on ya head, that's funny" he now says, right. Then, the proprietress of the shop walks in and, seeing the guy's theatrics, right, she yells out "Leave my bloody broom alone, you daft bugger."