1) A rabbit walks into a butchers and asks the man behind the counter for 12 carrots.
The butcher replies "this is a butchers, the green grocers is next door" the rabbit leaves.
The next day the same rabbit comes back into the butchers and askes for 12 carrots, the butcher replies "this is a butchers, the green grocers is next door".
On the third day the rabbits back again asking for 12 carrots, the butcher says " if you come in hear again and ask for carrots i'll nail your ears to the counter".
The next day the rabbit comes back in and askes the butcher "Got any Nails" the butcher replies "No". so the rabbit says "I'll have 12 carrots then"
2) I went to the Butcher's shop the other day and noticed his assistant wasn't there. I asked him what happend to the assistant.
"Had to sack him" he said. "Caught him with his dick in the bacon slicer"
"What did you do with the bacon slicer?" I asked
"Sacked her as well"
3) A woman walks into a butcher's shop just before closing time and asks, "Do you have any chicken?"
The butcher opens his fridge, takes out his only chicken and puts it on the weighing scales. It weighs 1.5 kg.
The woman looks at the chicken and at the scales and asks, "Do you have one that's a bit bigger than this one, please?"
The butcher puts the chicken back into the fridge and then takes it out again, but this time when he puts it on the scales he craftily keeps his thumb on the scale pan. The scales now show 2 kg.
"That's wonderful," says the woman. "I'll take both of them, please!"