1) A plumber is called to a house to repair a leaking pipe.
When he arrives he is pleased to discover that the lady of the house is both beautiful and very friendly, one thing leads to another and the two end up in the bedroom.
Suddenly the phone rings and the woman answers it. 'That was my husband,' she says when she puts down the receiver. 'He's on his way home, but he's taking a flight out of town at eight. If you come back then we can take up where we left off.'
The plumber looks at the woman in disbelief. 'What?' he says. 'On my own time?'
2) A woman calls in a plumber when her washing machine breaks down. The plumber arrives, studies the machine, then produces a hammer and gives it a hefty whack.
The washing machine starts working again and the plumber presents a bill for £200.
'Two hundred pounds?' says the woman. 'All you did was hit it with the hammer.'
So the plumber gives her an itemised bill: 'Hitting washing machine with a hammer - £5. Knowing where to hit it - £195.'
3) 1) Did you hear about the miracle of the blind plumber?
He pick up a hammer and saw.
4) The plumber finished with his girl this weekend, he said: "It's over Flo."
5) The collective noun for plumbers - a flood of plumbers.
6) In what way is a Doctor & Plumber alike?
"They both bury their mistakes."
7) A plumber hobbles down the road in a cast and meets a friend.
"How did you break your leg?" asked the friend
"It's like this," he replied:
"This guy had promised his wife that he would fix the sink plumbing on a particular day. That day, he realised he would need to stay late at
work, so he called me. I stopped by the man's office for the house key, and went to work.
"When the wife got home, she saw my bottom half protruding from the sink cabinet. She assumed it was her husband, and proceeded to
remove my trousers and give me some, ... intimate attention.
"Then the phone rang, and the woman left to answer it.
When she returned, she angrily said, "That was my husband on the phone...who are YOU?"
"I was startled, so when I got up to reply, I bumped my head and was
knocked out. The woman pulled me out, and must have fastend my trousers and called an ambulance.
"When the medics were carrying me out, they asked what had taken place - When I told them, they laughed so hard that they dropped me.
That's when I broke my leg!"
8) Two plumbers, Bob and Phil, went bar-hopping every week together, and every week like clockwork, Bob would go home with a woman while Phil went home alone.
One week Phil had had enough and asked Bob for his secret to picking up women. "That's easy," said Bob. "When you're out on the dance floor and she leans in and asks you what you do for a living, don't tell her you're a plumber. Tell her you're a lawyer."
Later Phil is dancing with a woman when she leans in and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a lawyer," says Phil. The woman smiles and asks, "Want to go to my place? It's right around the corner." They go to her place and fifteen minutes later Phil's back in the bar telling Bob about his success.
"I've only been a lawyer fifteen minutes," Phil snickers, "And I've already screwed someone!"