Selection of Old Medical Jokes - Two

Submitted by Inchcock

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Sunday, 2 January 2011

If tennis players get tennis elbow, and squash players get squash knees, what do gynaecologists get?
Answer: Tunnel vision!

What is a Proctologist?
Answer: A brain surgeon for lawyers.

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital!
Nurse: What is it?
Doctor: It's a big building with a lot of doctors, but that's not important now!

Patient: Doctor, I've got five penises.
Doctor: Well, how do your pants fit?
Patient: Like a glove.

Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.
Doctor: What does he call his other eye?

Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I feel unhealthy and depressed. Doctor: You should cut down on drinks.
Patient: I don't touch a drop.
Doctor: You should cut down on smoking.
Patient: I don't smoke.
Doctor: You should stop taking drugs.
Patient: I don't do drugs.
Doctor: You should cut down on womanising.
Patient: Haven't touched a woman in my life.
Doctor: In that case, get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, do some drugs, and find a couple of girlfriends.

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