Medical Selection of Old Jokes

Submitted by Inchcock
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Sunday, 2 January 2011

Any Change?:
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten coins last night?
Nurse: No change yet.

Good & Bad News:
Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?

Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.

Patient: What happened?

Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?

Patient: Give me the bad news first.

Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.

Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?

Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

Benefits of having Alzheimer's disease:
5. You never have to watch reruns on television.

4. You are always meeting new people.

3. You don't have to remember the whines and complaints of your spouse.

2. You can hide your own Easter eggs.

1. Mysteries are always interesting.

Driving exams worry me:

Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests!

Doctor: Don't worry about it. You'll pass eventually.

Liz: I'm the examiner!

Chromosomes:
How do you tell the difference between male chromosomes and female chromosomes?

Pull down their genes!

The difference:
What is the difference between a hematologist and a urologist?

A haematologist pricks your finger.

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