Wife: What are you doing?
Wife: Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.
Husband: I was looking for the expiry date.
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Great! What are my choices?
Wife : Yes or no.
Son: Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Oh Honey that was so sweet of you. You did the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.