Man walks into a bar carrying an old lamp under his arm.
"What's that you got there?", asks amused bartender
"A magic lamp", says the man
"Magic, eh", says the barkeep, "get outa here"
"S'truth", says the man. "Rub it and a 200 yr old genie will pop out and grant you 2 wishes"
"2?", sez the barkeep, "shouldn't it be 3?"
"He's an old and tired genie", says the man, "he can only handle 2"
"OK, you're on" says the barkeep sliding a free beer the guy's way
He rubs the lamp. Out pops an old and withered genie.
"Master", he says, "please whisper your first wish in my left ear"
The man whispers. Poof - a million ducks fly onto his head.
"What's this?" says the angry barkeep
"Your first wish...A million ducks", says the genie
"You deaf old bastard", shouts the barkeep "I asked for a million frickin' bucks, not a million ducks"
"Oops, sorry", sez the genie, "that's my bad ear. Let's try again, Whisper your last wish in my right ear".
"Done" says the barkeep as he whispers his last wish.
Poof! The bar is filled with light and music. The barkeep has turned into a 10-foot tall, tuxedo-clad pianist playing the world's biggest piano
"You stupid wanker", screams the barkeep, "what the bloody hell is this?"
Genie says: "I've granted your final wish Master. To be the world's biggest pianist - so there you are".
"Stupid arsehole", yelled the barkeep. "I didn't ask for the world's biggest piano, I asked for the world's biggest penis."