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From General Discussion / capital punishment in schools
Posted 20 Apr 09 10:38
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Quote: Earl Grey

Indeed you are right.

If the two were combined as punishment then it could be really nasty.

Beaten by the geography master. Then keel hauled by the Head of Maths.

Earl your Greyey/black humour tickles my very sensitive feet, slightly corny - ed and blistered after running to catch that f..king bus leaving the Tate Urinal extravaganza.
Corporal or Capital they're both corrupt and deserve the same levels of punishment issued by Jamie Oliver (new head of the National, Anti - Obese, Slimlined down to Eradicate Fat F..king Schoolkids, Corporate Ministry, run by those oh so Fatcats and Mr.Oliver, you know, mate, like). Main objective is to apply major corporal punishment on obese, fatties by giving them vegetables for dinner and erecting barb wire fences with border controls a lá Belfast, to stop them exiting the school premises and bee - lining for the local, greasy Fish and Ching shop!

 
From News Discussion / Muslim Woman Stoned With Cricket Balls In Dudley. On A Bus.
Posted 19 Apr 09 12:15
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Quote: Earl Grey

The following buses stop outside the Tate modern

2, 3, C10, 36, 87 (formerly 77A), 88, 159, 185, 436 and 507.

However, try walking from Blackfriars. As long as the weather is ok it can be quite pleasant.

A friend of mine thinks the Tate Modern could be improved with the addition of a Debenhams.

Wrote a poem on a bus once, in Manchester, nicked John Lennons concept from a Day in the (or a?) Life. Earl thanks for the orientation lesson in catching the buses, next time I feel I need a Loony respite I'll certainly be aboard one of them. Debenhams or Woolworths, pretty empty these days!

 
From General Discussion / capital punishment in schools
Posted 19 Apr 09 12:10
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Quote: Earl Grey

Not John.

But laughing at a German editor? Have done that before.

Plimsoll. I like that word. It has all the innocence. Before the trainer and designer gear kicks in.

Plimsoll was for primary school.

Alas now no more.

Could this be part of why discipline is breaking down?

Is Plimsoll also a line for measuring depths or something?
The grey cells wither at my age and I am starting to put cups of hot soup in the fridge, certainly a lack of juvenile discipline there, with or without the plimsolls on.

 
From General Discussion / So,who is happy?
Posted 19 Apr 09 12:04
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Quote: BuckwheatsButt

I think about sex all the time and at times I'm so hot I smoke!
Just thinking about all that gooey cake batter on Madame's hands and the light dusting of flour on her face like a 18th century French aristocrat makes my pecker react like it's listening to the Star Spankled Banner!
Tell me about the jelly donuts please.........And go into graphic details!

BuCK

You have obvious fetish problems, seek advice at www.blackleathershinybootsvenusinfursatthevelvetunderground.cum, good luck

 
From General Discussion / capital punishment in schools
Posted 19 Apr 09 12:01
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Quote: Earl Grey

The argument or the show was about whether the cane should be brought back or not.

But geography teachers are smart. Don't use the cane. Use an item of footwear. Do we ban the plimsoll? And the ruler?

If a teacher is sick and twisted enough they will find a way to inflict pain.

I forgot that word Plimsoll, superb cuppa Earl soup (another story!) You would'nt happen to be John from No Limited Publications would you? He was just as nifty as you, we had a great time laughing at our German Editor!

 
From News Discussion / Muslim Woman Stoned With Cricket Balls In Dudley. On A Bus.
Posted 19 Apr 09 11:57
Message

Quote: Earl Grey

If Jesus has been laid in a bowl of urine soup that would explain why he isn't answering.

Boris looks like he drinks urine soup. He looks like he wears urine soup.


But not on a bus. Drinking soup on a bus is too hard. Especially a bendy bus.

Jesus in Urine Exhibited at that other well known Loony Bin, The Tate, specialities = exhibiting junked loonies leaving artschool who bunked up with certain VIP gallerists and got their "big dick break"
By the way which bus stops outside the Tate, Google IT!

 
From General Discussion / capital punishment in schools
Posted 19 Apr 09 11:48
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More horrorstories pertaining to punishment in schools, we had a geography teacher called Mr.Porteus, he had a special training shoe (rubber slipper in them days), naughty chappies would be bent over his desk whilst he retreated to the back of the classroom, he then sprinted forward with max velocity whacking the boy's posterior as he passed the desk (no joking, serious), I once had the pleasure. Rulers across the knuckles was normal for this very disjointed, Jaggedone on and over the edge, stroppy bastard!JO ouch!

 
From General Discussion / FA Cup Semi Final
Posted 19 Apr 09 10:06
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Quote: Skoob1999

Fergus, ya big loveable gobshite,

I was on about London.

Try this on for size (all true by the way)

Nou Camp, Barcelona
Olympic Stadium Barcelona
Olympic Stadium Rome
Olympic Stadium Munich
Brunton Park, Carlisle
Bloomfield Road Blackpool
Turf Moor Burnley
Ewood Park Blackburn
Anfield Road Liverpool
Goodison Park Everton
Maine Road Manchester
Old Trafford once or twice
Elland Road Leeds
Leeds Road Huddersfield
Hillsborough Sheffield
Baseball Ground Derby
City Ground Nottingham
Filbert Street Leicester
Molineux Wolverhampton
Portman Road Ipswich
Dean Court Bournemouth
Whatever they call it Grimsby
Ninian park Cardiff
Fratton Park Portsmouth
The Dell Southampton

There are others.

Regards

Skoob

tut, tut, tut, Skoob, Main Rd, Mosside at night wrong colour, right team if you happen to be a loser!


 
From General Discussion / FA Cup Semi Final
Posted 19 Apr 09 10:03
Message

Quote: Earl Grey

Never have such a problem at Fulham.


Often people are trying to strike a deal to get out of the ground.

Still, at least we used to be able to watch the boat race.

I love that one, boaters an all, chuckling heartedly to the one and only Sonic Youth, brilliant.
I went to Fulham once but my navi sent me via Cairo with Ryan Air, read a Jamie/ Gordon f..king crap cookbook midair, ended up in Jerusalaem and received holy inspiration for my next to be dumped with impunity, news shocker! Can't wait (till 16.00 up the reds, fuck Roonies ex!)


 
From News Discussion / Muslim Woman Stoned With Cricket Balls In Dudley. On A Bus.
Posted 19 Apr 09 09:45
Message
A certain infamous artist (The artful dodgy Damien) also laid Jesus in a bowl of soup made of urine once, saw the light, resisted the call and is now residing at the same loony bin in Saint Remý searching for spiritual guidance in how to become a real artist: JO with both ears on the ground!

 
From News Discussion / Muslim Woman Stoned With Cricket Balls In Dudley. On A Bus.
Posted 18 Apr 09 16:58
Message

Quote: Earl Grey

I lied. The 141 doesn't go from across the road anymore. Boris Johnson axed the route. So walk home. All the way. In the rain.

And curse Boris all the way.

It's his fault.

I attended the New Years bash along the embankment and guess who "was in my face" a thousand times, yes that blond, caucasian, ex - Oxfordonian educated, aristocrat twat called? It's not what you know it's who you don't want to know!

 
From General Discussion / So,who is happy?
Posted 18 Apr 09 16:49
Message

Quote: Madame Bitters


Quote: Jaggedone

what more does a man want, oh yeah, the obvious!


Um, would that be psychotrophic meds?

Prefer a good ol fashion romp with the missus personally!

 
From News Discussion / Muslim Woman Stoned With Cricket Balls In Dudley. On A Bus.
Posted 17 Apr 09 15:59
Message

Quote: Skoob1999

JO

Sorry to bang on.

Met Mrs Skoob down here in 1990. She's originally from the Midlands but her kids from a previous live down here with the grandkids.

That challenge when Lofthouse bundled Wood (I think) over the line was a disgrace. Only seen it on film. I was a baby at the time that happened.

Regards

Skoob

No prob, just googled it and it certainly was Gregg or wikipedia is bullshitting.
Anyway, I thought you were still up north and understood that you had family in Erith only, nevermind, Erith's not worth mentioning anyway!
Googled it once more on a different site, certainly was Gregg, pictures to prove it.
JO

 
From News Discussion / Muslim Woman Stoned With Cricket Balls In Dudley. On A Bus.
Posted 17 Apr 09 15:28
Message

Quote: Skoob1999

It's full of West Ham and Millwall fans, I used to watch matches sometimes in The Running Horses pub, but they were always okay with me.

You forgot Charlton fans too, of whom alongside my passion for Utd, watched many times in the old Valley, 70,000 capacity in those days, mind you was always fucking empty!
My Bruv, sadly not with us any more, has his ashes spread behind the goal in the new Valley and my boy was a youth player at the Addicks for 3 seasons. Running Horses, certainly, although I believe its been demolished or not?
Mum lives in Slade Green but is pretty poorly these days! Living out here in Holland and visiting home maybe once or twice a year things tend to disappear every time we go home. Also, there is a certain colour change at the papershops, garages, local shops, etc, hardly recognise anyone and start to speak fluent Hindu with many of them! What's a Mancunian family doing in Erith, fuck me whatever next.
My twat of a father actually originated from Preston. Lancs (you'd know it!) hated Man U, laughed when Lofthouse bundled Harry the Legend Gregg over the line and ever since then I've loved Utd, just to up the bastard! Although being an ex - Cockney Red I do actually have a legitimate/blood claim to being a local, northern fan!! (albeit not a very prestigious one!)


 
From News Discussion / Muslim Woman Stoned With Cricket Balls In Dudley. On A Bus.
Posted 17 Apr 09 14:50
Message

Quote: Skoob1999

JO

Apparently that sort of thing still goes on. Somebody from Erith told me. Seems to part of the local culture in that neck of the woods.

Your fellow Red

Skoob

Maybe it's my newly resurrected unknown father posing as the local Erith catholic priest as a punishment for abandoning us as kids, obviously a change in sexual preference would have occurred during resur-erection. He was a useless twat anyway, get all of my talent from Mum!!!
Serious note, I was actually born in Erith and once played for Erith and Belvedere, world renowned bunch of US amateurs, what a coincidence!

 
From News Discussion / Muslim Woman Stoned With Cricket Balls In Dudley. On A Bus.
Posted 17 Apr 09 14:30
Message
Do you guys remember Reg Varney on the buses, my dad (who I didn't even know) drove a bus around Bexleyheath and Sidcup, was a milkman and shagged many of his female bus conductors and milk round customers, hence the reason why he fucked off and I didn't know who he was! JO

 
From General Discussion / So,who is happy?
Posted 17 Apr 09 14:19
Message

Quote: Madame Bitters

I'm happy all the time...thanks to my psychotrophic meds.

The fun never stops!

Happiness = listening to Joy Division/Killing Joke and participating on this nonsense, what more does a man want, oh yeah, the obvious!

 
From General Discussion / Porto v Manchester United
Posted 17 Apr 09 14:15
Message

Quote: Monkey Woods


Quote: Jaggedone

Blue Monday, crap record by New Order who couldn't even lick the boots of Ian Curtis and his Joy Division.


Hmmm Jaggedone... aren't New Order the very same people who you are now referring to as 'his Joy Division'? I agree that without Curtis, the band would have been very different, but they have had massive success, perhaps even more success than they might have had with Curtis.

Anyway, I thought Curtis was a City fan. Gretton was.

Yes Skoob, correct but Joy Division were certainly not what New Order turned out to be, an electronic pop group. Ian Curtis was the greatest frontman the Brit underground/alternative rock scene has ever produced and he died much too early. This JO is a Joy divison nutter and New Order creamed off the growing reputation of JD and went on to become what they were, sad, very sad! As for their footballing inclinations, no idea, only that other bunch of Mancunian twats, the Callagher Bros, are certainly very light blue! By the way as you know they lost, again! Maybe Hughsie should exchange Nani for Robinho, good deal or not? JO

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 17 Apr 09 12:48
Message

Quote: Monkey Woods

Skoob knows of Oliver Bierhoff.

Before I Ever Relinquish Heavymetal Or Fucking Females - I'd rather top myself

 
From News Discussion / Muslim Woman Stoned With Cricket Balls In Dudley. On A Bus.
Posted 17 Apr 09 10:49
Message
I did actually suggest on my blog site (dare I mention it here on these more than holy forums) that after Barack described his bowling style as "rather spa-sticky" he should hang his big half/black cohones in the middle of a ten pin bowling alley and let the global handicapped population aim ten pin bowling balls at him hoping for a strike (no analogies here with Maggie Fartcher new recloned CEO of General Motors, yet another story told, name dropping mother fucker!), mega OUCH! James Bond Style!JO

 
From General Discussion / Just All Chat For A While
Posted 17 Apr 09 10:40
Message

Quote: victor nicholas


Quote: Skoob1999

Sounds a bit like Anfield, wouldn't expect you to grasp this, but they tossed human excreta onto United fans below, in the Anfield Road End. In a McDonald's cup.
Skoob


If the excreta was in a McDonalds cup how would you notice?

Poignant thought but being vegetarian I would'nt know, then again if one doesn't eat meat then one should be allowed to eat Macburgers, meat content 0,0% + salad of course be careful of dead worms and other bugs!

 
From News Discussion / Muslim Woman Stoned With Cricket Balls In Dudley. On A Bus.
Posted 16 Apr 09 19:08
Message

Quote: Earl Grey

JO

Think you are playing down the wrong line. You need to take a new guard otherwise you might be caught out or have your bails whipped off.

Regards

Earl

The Pun arose and was stumped after hitting everyone for a six even with his bails on. Boundaries were reachable once the guard was eased, the burak was removed and the ball reached it's goal!JO Always known to be out a tangent?

 
From News Discussion / Muslim Woman Stoned With Cricket Balls In Dudley. On A Bus.
Posted 16 Apr 09 18:48
Message

Quote: Skoob1999

JO

Don't quite see what you're hinting at here.

Fucking great goal by Ronaldo though, wasn't it?

Regards

Skoob

Missed the point of delivery, shame on you, bails off, LBW ol bean (Left Bus Wanking)six overs and out!

 
From General Discussion / Porto v Manchester United
Posted 16 Apr 09 18:36
Message
The only Blue's I ever got involved in were Porno (failed cause my dick was the wrong colour and of an Asian origin!) Blue Monday, crap record by New Order who couldn't even lick the boots of Ian Curtis and his Joy Division. Monday morning Blues, affliction caused by pissing it up on Sunday. Sky Blues, my boy trialled for Coventry City and was sadly not taken on and the real Blues, John Lee Hooker (not the one in the infamous mugshots with Hugh "I never had sex with that coloured Hooker, but man were her fat lips moist!") Grant! JO


 
From News Discussion / Muslim Woman Stoned With Cricket Balls In Dudley. On A Bus.
Posted 16 Apr 09 17:23
Message

Quote:

<blockquote><hr noshade="noshade" size="1" width="100%" />Extract from Story:
Horror today here in Dudley as a Muslim woman, wearing a burka was stoned with cricket balls on a Wolverhampton to Dudley bus.

It has yet to be ascertained why the violence broke out, but one passenger told us:

"I think the Muslim woman expressed objections to a drunken passenger, stating in no uncertain terms that drinking was an unacceptable pastime. Things appeared to calm down following.....

Click here for full story »<hr noshade="noshade" size="1" width="100%" /></blockquote>

Please discuss at will.
PLEASE NOTE: The story you are discussing is a JOKE. It is a SPOOF NEWS story written on a SPOOF NEWS website.


There is talent beneath that red - deviled skin. BTW do I detect a slight form of masochism from our hidden muslim female wishing to criticise drunken louts armed with original, British, William Grace cricket bats and balls. Where are the days of a good ol baseball bat when confronted with such outlandish criticism from our burka covered muslim sisterhood. God (who?) bless Allah (who?) and may the next Hooligan, Skinhead cricket supporter offer you a cup of good old fashion Brit, Earl Grey instead of a cricket ball between your hidden eyes!

 
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