Discussion Forum

I think there is a big difference between spoofing celebs, politicians and people who put themselves in the public eye and civilians like this poor woman who we are only talking about because of what happened to her against her will.

If we are not careful we can end up being not so very different from the Australian DJs who started the whole thing.

Syria, you really intend atrocities?

Funnily enough there's a Californian metal band called Fang of Gore.

It's quarter final day on Professional MasterChef. Double Michelin starred Michel Roux Junior and double-chinned Michelin-man judge Gregg Wallace crank up the pressure as they hunt for Britain's next culinary superstar.

I've yet to watch ep1 but I couldn't resist a little joke for those who know the original Last Tango film. Your recommendation, though, has tempted me to delve into Catch-up for it. Good acting can carry a weak script, I find.

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Quote: Clive Danton

Simon your cynicism and paranoia does you great credit mate. Keep it up.

Roy I watched the first episode last week and although I thought the plot involving the two septuagenarian FB lovers was a little far fetched, vis a vis high speed car chases etc, the level of acting by both Jacobi and La Reid was so sublime, it papered over a multitude of squealing tyre and melting brake linings sins.

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Tonight, it's episode 2 of Last Tango in Halifax, and newly engaged Celia (Anne Reid) and Alan (Derek Jacobi) discuss their plans. Celia's idea that instead of buying an engagement ring they should do something new and exiting soon has Alan reaching for the Flora Spreadable.

Not someone I know but it seems like it is a real person.

Brilliant - thanks Birb! I especially like the Scotch Bonnets with the bead of water.

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Quote: birbee

Especially for Roy Turse, here are some chillies.............

Bird Eye #1

Bird Eye #2

Bird Eye #3

Scotch Bonnet

And, for no particular reason, a flying Greylag Goose.............

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Catching a fingernail with a cheese grater
A muscle pulled now can really hurt later
Your hand slammed, bam! in the door of the car
Foot slips off the pedal then you hit the crossbar

A pain can be caused by the crack of a whip
A well hammered thumb or a simple split lip
A papercut seems far worse than a knife
But a toothache can feel the worst pain in your life

One cautionary tale about pain I should mention
Is not to prep veg without paying attention
If the recipe requires the chopping of chilli
Then, when in the bathroom, don't touch your eye

I'd seen the others last night, and then I just had a really great time going through those last ones. Brilliant.

Red Onion gave me an idea - what about capturing a freshly cut chilli pepper - when the flesh weeps slightly? I think it could make my eyes water and my taste buds perk up just to see that done Birbee style.

Thanks for sharing these with us.
Roy

Hey Birbee,
If you undo the lens off the front and shake your camera out, it'll just fly away. Then you can get back to taking proper Facebook pictures - high wide-angle shots of pairs of drunk people pretending to lick each other's faces.

Lovely shot though - reminds me of a young Jeff Goldblum

All the best
Roy

A friend of a friend posted it and I though they must have taken the photo, but then I saw it again posted by someone else with a slightly different version of the text so I guess its doing the rounds.

picture from facebook - made me laugh

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Quote: Roy Turse

My wife and I have been married for over 25 years.

We are at the stage where we considered buying each other a card for £3 a pop - then decided that instead, for an extra £4, we can get a Sainsbury's Valentine Meal for Two - including a bottle of Cava.

More practical than romantic, perhaps, but food & wine trumps sentimental schmaltz in my book.


And I got her a card anyway.

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Well it turned out Sainsbury's had sold out of the meal deal, and Tescos and Waitrose had sold out of theirs. My plans were in tatters!

We ended up spending far more on a meal for two than we expected (although it turned out it was pretty good).

I was also rather glad I had got that card.

But if Valentines Day was that good, how come I'm writing this massage one here now?

My wife and I have been married for over 25 years.

We are at the stage where we considered buying each other a card for £3 a pop - then decided that instead, for an extra £4, we can get a Sainsbury's Valentine Meal for Two - including a bottle of Cava.

More practical than romantic, perhaps, but food & wine trumps sentimental schmaltz in my book.


And I got her a card anyway.

Ah Mr Scrooge,

You are so right about these Valentine's Day messages.

Merry St Valentines, one and all

Roy.

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Quote: Gail Farrelly

Why, oh why, did you have to give us those links to a bunch of Bad Romance stories?

It's sad that your writers are a bunch of malcontents who have nothing to celebrate on Valentine's Day. But why do you have to share the misery?

Yours truly,
Ebenezer Scrooge

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I'm willing to be proven wrong, but I really don't believe anything is likely to top these two brilliant throw-away comments. Now I remember why I keep coming back to the forums.

In awe
Roy

At Old Trafford, glass, like bottle, is a verb.

Only joking.

Anybody else noticed that today's Google Doodle steam train wouldn't work?
Story about it...

I once saw 52 red cards in a game, but the game was canasta.

vodka

oops missed a few goes

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Quote: Skoob1999

I think it would be brilliant if all of us writers collude on a massive hoax, and post stories about it in a serious reporting way.

Just to see if the press, the TV and the internet pick up on it and believe it.

Could be fun, but it would have to be something kind of plausible...

Anybody?

Skoob.

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How would it work Skoob? Where would we post it? Sorry, that sounds very negative - you know I love a plausible spoof, but how do we get it published in a non-spoof environment so people believe in it?

It's still there after two days.

Maybe there is such a thing as a water incinerator. Am I going to feel stupid if that's the case!

Hi Skoob - I was busy replying to your other message while you were replying to mine!

Mid Morning Matters? - yeah they are good. I need to catch up - I thought there were only six but there seem to be 10 episodes now.

They're here for anyone interested.