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From News Discussion / Man With World's Longest 'Pinkie' Nail Puts it to Good Use
Posted 4 Oct 09 04:14
Message

Quote: Madame Bitters


Quote: Aspartame Boy

..


Thanks, AB.

..

How about a world's biggest asshole story instead?


Sure, but that is the anti-butt, the hole is the absence of butt.. so the anti-butt that ate all the butts?

As they say in basketball, nothing but hole.. I mean nothing but net.. you get the idea..

 
From News Discussion / Bush Suffers Near-Fatal Orgasm
Posted 4 Oct 09 00:38
Message

Quote: Fergus McCarthy

Now, Now, Sean,

Dont piss them off!!

we may like to take the piss out of them but never forget they can over run Shannon airport in 30 mins, invading the UK would happen the next day.





We love you Americans








































Laugh when they laugh, keep them happy, they're not too bad but if they think you have oil you are f**ked.











And rumour has it that an absolute s**tload has been discovered off the coast of Ireland.


Fergus Jefferson the third


Yes, we need a lot of oil to process all your linefeeds, you hapless return key hitter!

 
From News Discussion / Bush Suffers Near-Fatal Orgasm
Posted 4 Oct 09 00:36
Message

Quote: Skoob1999

If Mark, by his own admission, has no sensible sense of humour, then what's he doing editing our crazy shit?

[abridged]

Skoob.


Skoob, if he had a sense of humor, he would have died laughing already. We need a guy who can keep us out of trouble.. A chap with a cool head.

Can you imagine the liability suit if someone DID die laughing?
Only Mark can make it not so funny.

 
From General Discussion / Almost in the 1,000 mile club
Posted 3 Oct 09 23:45
Message

Quote: Jimbo Gunn

I was flashed by a Dorset speed camera at the bottom of a big hill I was doing 38 in a 30.

I was really pleased I was using false plates that day.

P.S. what's cadence?

P.P.S. why is 1,000 miles significant? I do 20,000 a year.

P.P.P.S this isn't real a P.P.P.S because there never was a signature and according to my Latin master a postscript should come after a signature.

JG


Stop PSSSSIng on the forum please.

cadence of 90 is 90 revolutions per minute of the crankset.

I used to ride in Scarbourgh in the early 60's. There, they had a hill that was steep and broad. I hit 50 on my speedo.

It was a three speed rear hub. Nice little bike. sorta flat handle bars, not racing, not regular. dynamo on the front hub.



 
From General Discussion / Almost in the 1,000 mile club
Posted 3 Oct 09 23:41
Message
Hi..

I was clocked at 35MPH by the Pleasantville police. They holler at me: HEY! youre going 35! (this was on level road)

Also, 90 is the minimum cadence to avoid knee damage.

Good to see you ride.

What do you do about underwear, and such?

I learned how to ride in very loose dry powdery dirt, like sand, only smaller dust-like particles.

VERY HARD TO KEEP GOING THRU IT.




Quote: Mark Lowton

odometer, almost 999.2 miles


This is my cyclecomputer's odometer, reading 999.2 miles.

Just in case this rolls round to zero, thought I'd take a piccy of it and do a bit of show-and-tell.

I'd say about 600 of these miles have been done over the past six months, since I decided to get a bit fitter. I don't generally go too far, I cycle to and from work every day (about 5 miles round trip) and go out on a bigger 15-30 mile ride (depending on how I'm feeling) at least once a week.

The first time I did a 30 mile trip I had my first bonk about 10 miles from home. I hadn't eaten at all beforehand, nor during. I must have had a drink with me, but I'm not certain - oh, yes, I did, because I remember puking it up - nice! I was only about 500 yards away from my house too - I felt sorry for the bystanders.

Now I'm much more disciplined when it comes to appropriate nutrition before, during, and after rides. I especially like the prospect of coming home after an intense ride to pie and chips - ever the fat bastard!

My average speed waxes and wanes around 14mph and my cadence around 85-90rpm. My route involves gravelly canal towpath, a tarmacked cycle path, and a grassy canal towpath - all fairly flat, I haven't graduated to anything mountainous yet! My cycle to work is quite arduous though, with a couple of steep inclines - nothing too strenuous though.

Cycling on grass is a real pain - it just totally saps all your energy. Where I go around 16 mph on the tarmac, I tend to drop to around 13 on gravel but only just manage 10 on grass - it's a real killer - not to mention the bumps! Cut grass is a bigger pest because it clogs up in every nook and cranny. Mud as well is inevitable on the side of a canal. Thick squelchy clay mud. It's neither easy, nor pleasant, to ride through - thankfully the Mrs washes my clothes - oh, but when it gets in your mouth, yeurgh!

Speaking of mouths, flies are also horrible. And big ones are painful.

It's amazing how much of a difference wind plays on your speed. I never really appreciated it before, but with a wind behind me, I can merrily scoot along with little effort - and the annoying thing is, you don't really feel it's there - but you do if you go back into it and you're reduced to an agonising crawl! It's really stark. I have a much better appreciation for my car's engine now - and an appreciation for how I can be more energy efficient with it.

Anyway, that's about all that comes to mind. Hope you enjoyed my little brain dump about my cycling.


 
From News Discussion / Man With World's Longest 'Pinkie' Nail Puts it to Good Use
Posted 3 Oct 09 23:40
Message
Worlds longest body part is just a pinky nail? 5*!

How about man with worlds largest butt.

A butt twice as large as Buckwheatsbutt.

How women are repulsed, then strangley attracted to it, but not for the usual purpose.. they want to nest there..

 
From General Discussion / Skoob's eBay Song
Posted 3 Oct 09 21:35
Message
Please record this song, then put up a ling so I can hear it. Or, a link to the real song so I can get the melody.

Thanks!


Quote: Skoob1999

To be sung roughly to the tune of 'I Don't Like Mondays' by the Boomtown Rats.

She bought a new front door
And an apple core
And a jam jar full of spunk
She bought a shopping bag
And a porno mag
My house is filled with junk
You know I just don't understand her
I always thought she was as good as gold
She sees an offer she'll buy it
And she can't deny it
Consider your junk sold
Sold
OOh-ooh-ooh
Tell me why
I don't like eBay
Tell me why
I don't like e- Ba-ay
Tell me why
I don't like eBay
I wanna shoot
Shoo-oo-oo-oo-oot
The whole thing down.
Shoot it all down

Altogether now...

TELL ME WHY...

Regards

Skoob.


 
From General Discussion / Have We Run Out of Over-Size Body Parts?
Posted 3 Oct 09 21:33
Message

Quote: victor nicholas


Quote: Aspartame Boy

Coffee for me.. I roasted a batch of beans just now.. you should try some. Sorry to hear you liked Buck..


Decaf for me thanks, hold the hyperbole.

Just rated your woman gives birth to an elephant story 5*.

Are you picking up the slack now.


Thanks. I think I'll write a few more stories about Buck.
He might read them from 10,000 different ip addresses!

 
From General Discussion / Have We Run Out of Over-Size Body Parts?
Posted 3 Oct 09 17:51
Message
Recently, I think Buckwheatsbutt was back reading my stories about him and other crap.

I can tell, becuase he read each story about 10,000 times, then gave them a single star.

 
From General Discussion / Have We Run Out of Over-Size Body Parts?
Posted 3 Oct 09 17:27
Message
Coffee for me.. I roasted a batch of beans just now.. you should try some. Sorry to hear you liked Buck..

 
From General Discussion / Have We Run Out of Over-Size Body Parts?
Posted 3 Oct 09 10:49
Message

Quote: Aspartame Boy


Quote: Madame Bitters

I just did a story on a man with the world's longest pinkie fingernail.

Lord only knows when it will be up though.


Yeah.. I see it on my hot button I got fer ya, it goes like this gents, if I may quote the lady:

Carson City, NV: It's been said that you can pick your friends and that you can pick your nose-- but that you can't pick your friend's nose.


ya know, I bet ya could.. judging by what those queer fellers do..

 
From General Discussion / Have We Run Out of Over-Size Body Parts?
Posted 3 Oct 09 10:48
Message

Quote: Madame Bitters

I just did a story on a man with the world's longest pinkie fingernail.

Lord only knows when it will be up though.


Yeah.. I see it on my hot button I got fer ya, it goes like this gents, if I may quote the lady:

Carson City, NV: It's been said that you can pick your friends and that you can pick your nose-- but that you can't pick your friend's nose.

 
From General Discussion / Have We Run Out of Over-Size Body Parts?
Posted 3 Oct 09 08:04
Message

Quote: Aspartame Boy


Quote: Morse


Quote: victor nicholas

Just wondering where Buck went to.

If he's not using them they must be piling up somewhere.




....already sold out on E-bay.....


You mean he sold those silly stories of his for cash???


I can just imagine it.

"Used spoofy stories for sale, or should I say poofy, written my me. Oh, did I mention my name is BuckwheatsBUTT?

Surely you can see the great value of these stories! I read read them myself, over a million times!"

I just read about him:

Buckwheat's BUTT destitute, selling used stories on ERAY

 
From General Discussion / Have We Run Out of Over-Size Body Parts?
Posted 3 Oct 09 07:43
Message

Quote: Jalapenoman

I just wrote a story on "The Man with the world's most infected and pussiest ingrown toenail." When I clicked on publish, the site suddenly told me that I had to register as a writer before I could submit stories (I was already logged in).

Sometimes I hate computers.

The story was over 600 words and had many of the regular writers listed.

I may or may not try to recreate the story tomorrow. Right now I'm just pissed off.


Hi.. uh, I suggest using a text editor off line, so you can back up your work. Then, just cut and paste.

Also, the type on the system, the way I have it setup, is kinda small. I could make it bigger..

 
From General Discussion / Have We Run Out of Over-Size Body Parts?
Posted 3 Oct 09 07:42
Message

Quote: Morse


Quote: victor nicholas

Just wondering where Buck went to.

If he's not using them they must be piling up somewhere.




....already sold out on E-bay.....


You mean he sold those silly stories of his for cash???

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 2 Oct 09 12:38
Message
Sluts lust, undulating tits susurrating.



- bet you didn't know that..

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 2 Oct 09 12:34
Message
Epidermis, pee inside, diddles everywhere, readily memorized inside sluts.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 2 Oct 09 01:48
Message
Yolks ordinarily lie kinetically satisfied.

 
From News Discussion / BT Knows The Numbers
Posted 2 Oct 09 00:57
Message
I have a lot of trouble calling India. I don't think they like it when I do.


Quote: Mark Lowton

I liked this, very much.




 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 1 Oct 09 22:43
Message
species pester eunuchs crying inside estuaries silently

 
From News Discussion / Pen and Paper Becoming Rare
Posted 1 Oct 09 03:03
Message
I had to click on this headline. It seemed to be the only true one out there. Somehow, I found that reassuring.

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 30 Sep 09 18:55
Message
galoshes always limp over sodden homosexual eunuchs, Sundays.

 
From News Discussion / New Culinary Fad: Mercury On Everything!
Posted 29 Sep 09 03:29
Message

Quote: The San Francisco Onion

5-stars

...but it could have used some aspartame.


Never mix'm. Might blow up. Not sure. Ya never know these days.

 
From News Discussion / New Culinary Fad: Mercury On Everything!
Posted 29 Sep 09 03:06
Message
Good story. I'm dying to read it again.

 
From News Discussion / Goverment puts the cabash on Ooogling Books
Posted 28 Sep 09 12:40
Message
On my planet, catbutt is considered an appetizer.

 
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