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From News Discussion / US balloon parents face charges
Posted 19 Oct 09 06:54
Message
Five stars for this one. I also reference it in my latest 'Balloon Boy' story.

Balloon Boy will probably be President when he grows up. Perhaps even prior to that event.

 
From General Discussion / What's with Vegemite?
Posted 18 Oct 09 21:07
Message
Wow, an 85 year old fanny. I think she needs a new name.
That reminds me, my grandmother almost sat on me when I was visiting her house and sitting on the toilette. Her fanny seemed to be remarkably preserved!

Still, that's why I opted for a species change. Today, they probably would have arrested grandma for sexual abuse of a minor.


Quote: Madame Bitters

I have an Aunt Fanny. That's her actual name, it's not short for anything.

She's probably around 85 now, if she's still alive. I hope she is, because we spoke on the phone yesterday.


 
From General Discussion / On leaving TheSpoof
Posted 18 Oct 09 07:27
Message
I just got back from Flagstaff and the mountain there at 11,500 feet where I took a crap in the highest toilette in Arizona.

What could possibly be left for me in this world now?

I think I will go back to Alpha Centauri.


Quote: Bureau

For my friends on TheSpoof, I have decided to leave the site.

I didn't want to simply disappear but you may have noticed the slumping snippets, etc.

It is only for personal reasons. You guys have been great to me & so has Mark.

Had 2 events lately that have led me to make some decisions. One is a trip to the mountains & away from the gadgets. The second one is losing a friend. 4 0f us guys grew up together & you know how close you can get as kids, teens, chums, etc. With his passing, I am the only one left.

I've learned a lot about writing while on here thanks to people like Abel, J-man, Skoob, & the rest.

But need a good long "think" about where to go & what to do from here.

This was fun. Thanks.

-Bureau


 
From General Discussion / What's with Vegemite?
Posted 16 Oct 09 04:35
Message
You go around, allegedly, smelling fannies?


Quote: Morse

MW: regardless, they both make your fanny smell awful......allegedly...



Nutz Across the Pond


SO that explains the rash of fanny zits around here..

 
From General Discussion / What's with Vegemite?
Posted 16 Oct 09 04:31
Message
My daughter was doing a show and tell about vegimite at school. She INSISTED that I buy not ONE, but TWO jars of it.

Needless to say, I ended up calling the Chandler hazardous household waste disposal unit. I have an appointment with them in two weeks, when they will test it.

You can't just put that stuff in the trash.. and you don't want to flush it down the toilet, since it might cause a flair up on the neighbors arses, seeing how all the plumbing in town is connected.


Quote: Mark Lowton

I bought a jar of Vegemite the other day. My jar of Marmite was running low and I figured it was time to get some more. Vegemite was on offer and I figured: "It's the same black gunk, right?" - but I was wrong.

When you first take off the lid, the contents looks pretty sleek and sexy. It doesn't look as liquidy as Marmite, and it has a more solid, almost soft putty-like consistency.

The first taste is quite pleasant and very reminiscent of Marmite, but perhaps not quite as rich. Maybe that's because it doesn't spread across your palate as quickly. All's fine until you get a hit of a very sharp, bitter, and rancid after-taste a few seconds later.

It's grim. Real grim.

I compared it to some of my final dregs of Marmite and I was astounded at the difference. Marmite has a much saltier flavour, and it leaves beefy after tones.

It might improve on toast, I was just tasting it from a spoon, so we'll see, next time I can afford a loaf of bread.

Speaking of improving on toast, Gentleman's Relish, for example, is disgusting alone, but spread thinly (and I really mean thinly) on toast, it's okay. Smells like a cat's breath, but tastes okay.


 
From General Discussion / Michael Jackson's latest release is:
Posted 13 Oct 09 02:34
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You have heard of Michael Jackson's posthumous work?

 
From General Discussion / British Comedy Shows - For Our American Friends
Posted 6 Oct 09 20:50
Message

Quote: Jimbo Gunn


Quote: Aspartame Boy

Scoob,

We barbarians do get the BBC America show.
However, they seem to have clipped off all the naked ladies!


We heard that a large proportion of the American viewing public are nipplophobic...


Yes, most are bottle babies.

 
From News Discussion / Man finds miracle weight loss cure
Posted 6 Oct 09 06:20
Message
Yes.. ah, like, where's the aspartame?

I was hoping he would give up the coke..

This all sounds so terribly true; it so depressing.

So much like me in my fatso days; just change toast to donuts..

"The days of fat and sugar,
faded photographs,
faded memories,
..."

To the tune of "The Days of Wine and Roses"

 
From News Discussion / Obama to Critics:"I'll Bite You!"
Posted 6 Oct 09 04:06
Message
done!

 
From News Discussion / Time Magazine to name Person Of The Year: The American Asshole
Posted 6 Oct 09 02:52
Message
I said where is my Waldorf salad! Where is it!
What's wrong with you people!?
Do I have to go out to the kitchen and make it myself?!?!?


Time Magazine's - Man of the Year

 
From General Discussion / British Comedy Shows - For Our American Friends
Posted 6 Oct 09 02:46
Message
Scoob,

We barbarians do get the BBC America show.
However, they seem to have clipped off all the naked ladies!

 
From News Discussion / Lindsay Lohan Depressed - Says The Media Is Ignoring Her
Posted 6 Oct 09 01:38
Message
Ignoring, eh? Out of pity I clicked a pity click..

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 5 Oct 09 19:21
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Yes, it's true, most people ARE constipated.


Quote: Jaggedone


Quote: Aspartame Boy


Quote: P.M. Wortham




expression: Xylophones please retards especially sick, sad idiots on nutrients


Nutrients Unified Through Roasting In Entrails, Nurtured Thick Sauces


wrong one!


Asparteme you'r correct but who gives a shit:

Sauces are usually creamy extravagant solutions


 
From News Discussion / Wacky Hats in Iraq: The Solution to Decreased Morale?
Posted 5 Oct 09 19:05
Message
strangely, this story shows up when I search for stories about bilderberg. Yet, there is no connection! (or maybe there is a secret connection?)

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 5 Oct 09 18:57
Message

Quote: P.M. Wortham




expression: Xylophones please retards especially sick, sad idiots on nutrients


Nutrients Unified Through Roasting In Entrails, Nurtured Thick Sauces


wrong one!

 
From News Discussion / Jesus Spiked on Madonna's Steel Tits
Posted 5 Oct 09 18:19
Message
Hey Coinal, how'd get to be so good? Ya beating me!

 
From General Discussion / Almost in the 1,000 mile club
Posted 5 Oct 09 18:17
Message
NO no NO,, Mark works in the downtown Spoof Centre, at Main and Center street, you know, the 101 story building? He's on the top floor!

I work on the 10th floor from the top.

I'm planning on retiring by selling my stories, one by one, on EBAY.

So THAT's what cancer of the testicles looks like when it metastasizes.



Quote: Jimbo Gunn


Quote: Mark Lowton

I don't generally go too far, I cycle to and from work every day (about 5 miles round trip) ...




You mean you have a JOB?!

I mean one that doesn't involve sitting around in your pants editing TheSpoof.com?

Does this site not earn you more than a premiership footballer?!


 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 5 Oct 09 18:10
Message
Tripe: raucous inconsiderate puerile expression

For example:

expression: Xylophones please retards especially sick, sad idiots on nutrients

 
From General Discussion / Online social networking sites
Posted 5 Oct 09 16:40
Message
I think I'll start my own.. kiss my grits..

 
From General Discussion / Almost in the 1,000 mile club
Posted 5 Oct 09 15:33
Message
Returns the boots mate? Sure, oh, I dropped my hanky, could you please pick it up for me?

Oh, nice {KICK!} arse you had there, sorry about that boot in it!

 
From News Discussion / Obama to Critics:"I'll Bite You!"
Posted 5 Oct 09 00:49
Message
 
From News Discussion / Obama to Critics:"I'll Bite You!"
Posted 5 Oct 09 00:47
Message
"on the fingers of one hand" should be:

"on the middle fingers of both hands"

Headline GRABBED my attention.. this should be a scorcher!

more later.. still enjoying it..

Needs a followup, where he does bite someone, and will not let go. The secret service prevents the police from resolving the situation..

The person he is biting? Leave to you..
I'll be happy to write it, referencing your story if you prefer. Let me know!

 
From News Discussion / Gratuitous sex words in story title make spoof popular as pussy
Posted 4 Oct 09 14:28
Message
This all goes to show that most of the world is normal, and likes pussy. UK chaps seem to like turds.

Could it be the severe upbringings? All those canings?

 
From News Discussion / Embryo mix-up woman gives natural birth to elephant
Posted 4 Oct 09 05:00
Message

Quote: victor nicholas

Liked this one 5*


Thanks. I have four kids, and watched all four births.

All four, human. Which is strange, since I'm an alien.

 
From General Discussion / Who Did You Have A Crush On As A Kid?
Posted 4 Oct 09 04:20
Message
mostly small bugs, but some large beetles too. They were quite stinky when I squished them. Sometimes they were quite stinky even prior to me crushing them.

 
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