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From News Discussion / Seizure Scare in Popular Restaurant!
Posted 18 Nov 09 07:57
Message
I'm kicking myself. I woulda shoulda coulda kinda wrote it.
This actually happened to me last week! Could it be that a reporter was observing?

 
From News Discussion / What Happens in China Stays in China
Posted 18 Nov 09 06:43
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You can actually buy the Obamao doll there you know.

 
From General Discussion / 'Body sold' to Russia kebab shop
Posted 16 Nov 09 06:34
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Actually, I filled in a few missing details in this wonderful example of human nature, at least among humans in Russia. I'm sure you can find it.

 
From News Discussion / West Coast Woman Whose Vagina Fell Out Offered Her Own Reality Show
Posted 14 Nov 09 14:42
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Actually this story is all too true. It happened to a lady I knew quite well, but not in the Biblical sense. We both knew the Bible, but .. ok ok

Any way, it fell out quite often. I'm just not too clear on how she put it back, but she must have, or it could not have kept falling out, could it?

 
From General Discussion / Man uses remote to control his bowel
Posted 13 Nov 09 19:04
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The poor chap's life has turned into one giant spoof script.

If I were out to get this guy, I would buy one of those universal remotes, then sneak into the stall next to his in the men's room. Then, capture and duplicate the signal.

Then program all cell phone towers to broadcast it once every five minutes.

That would be interesting.

 
From News Discussion / Perverse nature of TheSpoof.com stories due to aspartame abuse
Posted 13 Nov 09 14:30
Message
Yes, well as I alluded to in my snippets, I don't want too many bites. Might get some kind of disease.

My fly is a do not bite zone.


Quote: Morse

AB: spoofing to the masses is like fly fishing...

YOU'VE GOT TO MATCH THE HATCH, if you want to get a bite!

Morse


 
From News Discussion / Perverse nature of TheSpoof.com stories due to aspartame abuse
Posted 13 Nov 09 14:28
Message
Yes. I see you have your protective chemical rubber suit on to protect you from it. Good show old chap!


Quote: Skoob1999

AB

When I first started spoofing I thought Aspartame was a made up thing. Then the wife spotted it on a food wrapper.

Aspartame...

It's real...

It's out there...

Right now...

But of course you already knew that AB

It's really pissing down outside.

Regards

Skoob.


 
From News Discussion / Perverse nature of TheSpoof.com stories due to aspartame abuse
Posted 13 Nov 09 13:49
Message
Been drinking again, I see. You poor sot; you can 'ardly type.



Quote: Skoob1999

5***** AB

Wibble wibble.

Squeak.

Hee-haw.

Skoob.


 
From News Discussion / Report: More war means more food
Posted 6 Nov 09 02:04
Message
What do you think 'the other white meat' is?
What do you think they serve in Chinese restaurants, in China?
Why do you think the flying saucers are so interested in you?

The Earth is a ranch.
We, I mean you, are the cattle.


Quote: DaddyMothership

Wouldn't a more efficient solution be mass cannibalisation?


 
From News Discussion / Report: More war means more food
Posted 5 Nov 09 04:19
Message
too true!

 
From News Discussion / Swine Flu Cure Is AIDS
Posted 31 Oct 09 10:15
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This sounds like a strained allusion to some horrible crime that deeply affected the author.

I am sad.

 
From News Discussion / Scientists Prove Theorom
Posted 31 Oct 09 10:09
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Yes, this was true at M.I.T. However, it did not hold true at Harvard. I think they use Viagra or something.

 
From News Discussion / Monsanto Invents Vegimal, A Pet You Can Eat
Posted 31 Oct 09 03:18
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So, now I know where vegamite came from.. those little brown pet droppings..

 
From News Discussion / U.N. Peacekeeping forces take over KFC
Posted 30 Oct 09 11:38
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UN peace keeping forces seem to be quite busy these days..

 
From Magazine Discussion / Computer Repairs Explained By A Technophobe
Posted 27 Oct 09 00:13
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I think this explains why Mark takes care of the computers..

 
From News Discussion / Woman with Worlds Biggest Breasts knocks her self unconcious while on trampoline!
Posted 25 Oct 09 05:58
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So this is what TheSpoof has become..

 
From News Discussion / Naked woman tasered at Mardi Gras for refusing to wear clothing
Posted 23 Oct 09 18:25
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Brilliant! I love how ugly she looks, like a ho on crack!

 
From News Discussion / US balloon parents face charges
Posted 19 Oct 09 06:54
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Five stars for this one. I also reference it in my latest 'Balloon Boy' story.

Balloon Boy will probably be President when he grows up. Perhaps even prior to that event.

 
From General Discussion / What's with Vegemite?
Posted 18 Oct 09 21:07
Message
Wow, an 85 year old fanny. I think she needs a new name.
That reminds me, my grandmother almost sat on me when I was visiting her house and sitting on the toilette. Her fanny seemed to be remarkably preserved!

Still, that's why I opted for a species change. Today, they probably would have arrested grandma for sexual abuse of a minor.


Quote: Madame Bitters

I have an Aunt Fanny. That's her actual name, it's not short for anything.

She's probably around 85 now, if she's still alive. I hope she is, because we spoke on the phone yesterday.


 
From General Discussion / On leaving TheSpoof
Posted 18 Oct 09 07:27
Message
I just got back from Flagstaff and the mountain there at 11,500 feet where I took a crap in the highest toilette in Arizona.

What could possibly be left for me in this world now?

I think I will go back to Alpha Centauri.


Quote: Bureau

For my friends on TheSpoof, I have decided to leave the site.

I didn't want to simply disappear but you may have noticed the slumping snippets, etc.

It is only for personal reasons. You guys have been great to me & so has Mark.

Had 2 events lately that have led me to make some decisions. One is a trip to the mountains & away from the gadgets. The second one is losing a friend. 4 0f us guys grew up together & you know how close you can get as kids, teens, chums, etc. With his passing, I am the only one left.

I've learned a lot about writing while on here thanks to people like Abel, J-man, Skoob, & the rest.

But need a good long "think" about where to go & what to do from here.

This was fun. Thanks.

-Bureau


 
From General Discussion / What's with Vegemite?
Posted 16 Oct 09 04:35
Message
You go around, allegedly, smelling fannies?


Quote: Morse

MW: regardless, they both make your fanny smell awful......allegedly...



Nutz Across the Pond


SO that explains the rash of fanny zits around here..

 
From General Discussion / What's with Vegemite?
Posted 16 Oct 09 04:31
Message
My daughter was doing a show and tell about vegimite at school. She INSISTED that I buy not ONE, but TWO jars of it.

Needless to say, I ended up calling the Chandler hazardous household waste disposal unit. I have an appointment with them in two weeks, when they will test it.

You can't just put that stuff in the trash.. and you don't want to flush it down the toilet, since it might cause a flair up on the neighbors arses, seeing how all the plumbing in town is connected.


Quote: Mark Lowton

I bought a jar of Vegemite the other day. My jar of Marmite was running low and I figured it was time to get some more. Vegemite was on offer and I figured: "It's the same black gunk, right?" - but I was wrong.

When you first take off the lid, the contents looks pretty sleek and sexy. It doesn't look as liquidy as Marmite, and it has a more solid, almost soft putty-like consistency.

The first taste is quite pleasant and very reminiscent of Marmite, but perhaps not quite as rich. Maybe that's because it doesn't spread across your palate as quickly. All's fine until you get a hit of a very sharp, bitter, and rancid after-taste a few seconds later.

It's grim. Real grim.

I compared it to some of my final dregs of Marmite and I was astounded at the difference. Marmite has a much saltier flavour, and it leaves beefy after tones.

It might improve on toast, I was just tasting it from a spoon, so we'll see, next time I can afford a loaf of bread.

Speaking of improving on toast, Gentleman's Relish, for example, is disgusting alone, but spread thinly (and I really mean thinly) on toast, it's okay. Smells like a cat's breath, but tastes okay.


 
From General Discussion / Michael Jackson's latest release is:
Posted 13 Oct 09 02:34
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You have heard of Michael Jackson's posthumous work?

 
From General Discussion / British Comedy Shows - For Our American Friends
Posted 6 Oct 09 20:50
Message

Quote: Jimbo Gunn


Quote: Aspartame Boy

Scoob,

We barbarians do get the BBC America show.
However, they seem to have clipped off all the naked ladies!


We heard that a large proportion of the American viewing public are nipplophobic...


Yes, most are bottle babies.

 
From News Discussion / Man finds miracle weight loss cure
Posted 6 Oct 09 06:20
Message
Yes.. ah, like, where's the aspartame?

I was hoping he would give up the coke..

This all sounds so terribly true; it so depressing.

So much like me in my fatso days; just change toast to donuts..

"The days of fat and sugar,
faded photographs,
faded memories,
..."

To the tune of "The Days of Wine and Roses"

 
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