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From News Discussion / "Stuff The Ruddy Buggering Diamond Jubilee!" Rages The Duke Of Edinburgh
Posted 2 Jun 12 21:19
A "candy-striper" is a lady, mostly old, who dresses in a uniform with white and red stripes, like a candy cane. She volunteers her time at a hospital to greet visitors and direct them to various wards and patients. They are very sweet old ladies, with nothing else to do. In hot climates, such as Arizona, she can spend the days away, in a nice air conditioned lobby.

I'm sure the Queen would fit right in.

Quote: Erskin Quint

... a job in a hospital as a candy-stripe lady, greeting visitors and directing them to various wings to see patients.

No no no. A queen needs gravitas. What's a candy-stripe lady? Are you some sort of colonial johnny?

From News Discussion / "Stuff The Ruddy Buggering Diamond Jubilee!" Rages The Duke Of Edinburgh
Posted 2 Jun 12 17:01
Stuff it indeed.. she used to be quite a looker. Now look at her.

I think once a Queen gets past "a certain age", she ought to take a job in a hospital as a candy-stripe lady, greeting visitors and directing them to various wings to see patients.

There should be a contest for Queen, based on the "Queen for a Day" T.V. show from the U.S.A. circa 1960's.

After 60 years, one gets a bit musty about the gills.

From News Discussion / Computer virus eating faces on Facebook
Posted 2 Jun 12 01:06
yes yes yes.. I never spend more than five minutes on a spoof news item.. minimal is it.. of course, there are possibilities for followups.. you are all welcome to write such of course.

From News Discussion / Control pants to replace electronic ankle tag says Theresa May
Posted 31 May 12 12:28
They have control pants. They are used in Arizona court rooms. They conceal a device that locks the leg angle, so the knee cannot be bent. I saw a guy wearing such pants in court. It is controlled via a wireless controller. Had he tried to escape the court house, he would have been hobbled.

Of course, I like the control pants in the story much better.

From News Discussion / Greek smart phones to solve insolvency
Posted 20 May 12 23:22

Don't feel bad. It was so horrible I just deleted it and try not to think about it.

Quote: Charpa93


From News Discussion / Greek smart phones to solve insolvency
Posted 20 May 12 19:35

Quote: Charpa93

cheap way to get views AB. of course, now everyone is going to look.

From News Discussion / Fox News Poll: 78 Percent Believe Obama is Not President
Posted 20 May 12 14:48
Who really is President? It is a state secret. I think it is a computer, or maybe I am. Or maybe you are. Or, maybe there is no President because the republic is dead; long live the New World Order!

From News Discussion / Greek smart phones to solve insolvency
Posted 20 May 12 14:20
Thanks. And remember, illegal tender is worth more on the black market!

My latest story is so horrible, it may be banned from TheSpoof!

A must not-read!

From News Discussion / The Apple Inc. Logo; Who Bit into the Apple?
Posted 19 May 12 13:59
And.. why just one bite.. were the apple any good at all I say at least two or three bites, would be missing..

From News Discussion / Mitt Romney Dons Expensive Jeans
Posted 8 May 12 14:40
Great story.. and so true..

how about a follow up where he takes off his jeans to show the label and then turns around and moons the camera to show he is just a regular guy.

Don't forget to work in how much he loves to fire people.

Perhaps he can fire the camera guy for an unflattering shot of his ass..

From News Discussion / Crap Shortage Predictions Unfounded
Posted 8 May 12 14:39

Quote: Philbert of Macadamia

Finally a use for Crap!

See "A Pound of Brown".. it is used as currency in that story

From News Discussion / Congress Strikes Back: Gives Taxpayers a 4% Approval Rating
Posted 11 Feb 12 16:42

Quote: Charpa93

Great angle, Michael. Really enjoyed this one. Could even be true, you know.

"What's in your Constitution?" Great line.


True? I think one percent is the number currently in play..

From News Discussion / Ian Somerhalder pulls a Rambo after Nina Dobrev agrees to be the new Bachelorette
Posted 24 Jan 12 14:42
Welcome to the spoof. Watch out for aspartame; it eats away at your soul, leaving a sweet but hollow nothingness.

From News Discussion / Nina Dobrev will quit Vampire Diaries if she has to kiss Ian Somerhalder again: Wait, what?
Posted 22 Jan 12 11:52
Excellent strateegeree!

From General Discussion / Hi fans.. glad to meet you.
Posted 11 Jan 12 07:08
I seem to have accumulated some fans. We should get together sometime for an online chat on some chat-o-sphere gizmo or something so you can ask questions about the details not included in the stories.

Just reply here as to how to connect..

I need my fans!

From News Discussion / Turkey Arse Sales Soar In Cash-Strapped Britain
Posted 29 Dec 11 09:48
I thought all turkeys came with an arse. I recall many the time our family would stuff a turkey, through its arse, for those special dinners.

Of course, the first time I saw it done, I thought it was sick!

Or were we just nutso?

From General Discussion / I downed a bottle of ouzo at christmas and didn't feel a thing!
Posted 27 Dec 11 16:53
It is good stuff. You probably should have had your own bottle.

From News Discussion / President Obama Blames Tea Party For Recession: Calls Them "Tin Horn Tokers" For Not Buying Drugs
Posted 25 Dec 11 18:38
When China tried to stop buying opium from Britain because it was ruining their people, England launched the opium war against them. So it is our heritage, this drug violence. Aspartame, crack, these are great for keeping people sick and weak so you can keep screwing them.

For a whitewashed account click this.

From News Discussion / Higgs Boson Confusion Causes Head Explosion Outbreak
Posted 21 Dec 11 09:34
Boson is actually a misspelling. It is supposed to be Higgs's bosom. You see.. well, it's a long story.

From General Discussion / world seems boring now
Posted 20 Dec 11 21:29
Yesterday and tomorrow are all I have left to fill the dark void at present..

Quote: Erskin Quint

"world seems boring now"

ah, but what's now, then?

Not then, just now.

I said now, then. Not now then, now.

From General Discussion / world seems boring now
Posted 20 Dec 11 07:34
boring. Hard to make fun of something so boring.
Or am I just getting old.. or perhaps the aspartame has got to me? Or perhaps it is the darkness. The darkness that smothers everything this time of year..

From News Discussion / Gingrich Advocates full "prison-based economy" in order to compete with Chinese sweatshop labor
Posted 19 Dec 11 08:47
99 percent

From News Discussion / Higgs Boson found at BBC
Posted 18 Dec 11 06:27
I actually got a box full of the Higgs Bosons when I bought an abandoned storage locker in Geneva Switzerland. I took them home, and all my cats died.

I decided to get rid of them. So, I sold them for a tidy sum to a man in a white coat. That's when I turned green.

Now, all my skin has fallen off. But, I have these strange powers ..

From General Discussion / 110 film from 1970 found in Spoof Writers hovel!
Posted 17 Dec 11 05:39
Make sure no green men on there!

From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 17 Dec 11 05:32
Criminy! Rut insanely, mate, in nun's yoni!

{Imagine a really fat nun.. who seldom bathes.. and has very thick glasses.. and oily hair.. You get the picture.}

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Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

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