All times are GMT

Forum Home / Forum posts by IainB


54 Pages - «« « 3 4 [5] 6 7 » »»
From General Discussion / Bucket List!
Posted 10 Sep 12 20:46
Message
I'd like to make it to December in one piece

I'd like Düsseldorf to be painted red.

High Heel Shoe day to be made compulsary so men don't complain about our driving any more.

For the DFS sale to end

Emoticons to be added to the English Dictionary ( so I know what they all mean ¬.¬)

erm

Debbie

 
From General Discussion / Getting Right To The Arse Of The Matter.
Posted 10 Sep 12 20:38
Message
Right this is your lot, I'm not fagging the rest in here. I'm not going into your back alley one more time, it's dark, and there's a strange smell.

Here In My Arse - Al Martino
Half A Arse - Barenaked Ladies
Hungry Arse - Bruce Springsteen
Two Arses - Bruce Springsteen
Straight from the Arse - Bryan Adams
Arses of Fire - Bryan Adams
Young Arses Run Free - Candi Staton
A Good Arse - Feargal Sharkey
Piece of My Arse - Janis Joplin
You Stole The Sun From My Arse - Manic Street Preachers
Stop Cryin' Your Arse Out - Oasis
Your Cheatin' Arse - Patsy Cline

The second one is not very grammatically correct, I'm afraid.

Debbie

 
From General Discussion / Getting Right To The Arse Of The Matter.
Posted 10 Sep 12 20:18
Message
Sorry!!!! I wasn't watching where I was going. I had this tray of arse lyrics to deliver to some thread on the Spoof. Are you going to sign for them?

No? Right I'll leave them here then:

Stop Draggin' My Arse Around - Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty
Listen to Her Arse - Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers
How Can You Mend A Broken Arse ? - Bee Gees
Two Arses - Phil Collins
You Have Placed A Chill In My Arse - Eurthymics

I've got another load out the back, so you better decide where you want them.

Delivery Debbie

 
From General Discussion / Bucket List!
Posted 10 Sep 12 20:11
Message
1 World peace, end to hunger, more equality...blah blah get the Miss World plaudits out of the way...

2 FFS
3 SRS
4 Boob job
5 Invent cosmetic surgery for making me smaller

How many can I have? Do they have to be on the same subject?

Debbie

 
From General Discussion / Getting Right To The Arse Of The Matter.
Posted 10 Sep 12 20:02
Message
Like my Achey Breaky Arse?

Young at Arse?

Arse Attack?

Cold Hard Arse - Bon Jovi?

That sort of thing?

I cannot do these clever plays on words, Clive.

Debbie

 
From General Discussion / Prostitutes Suffering in Austerity Britain
Posted 7 Sep 12 15:32
Message
My boss adopts a similar position, Patti.

She's always doing it.

And there are no wrong holes. So I've discovered.

Debbie

 
From General Discussion / Prostitutes Suffering in Austerity Britain
Posted 7 Sep 12 14:05
Message
I can virtually guarantee he would like it for his tea.

It's very easy...

I suggest you wear an apron. And heels. Just that.

Invite him into the kitchen to help. Now take your brown trout and bend to put it in the oven. It takes a good few minutes to position it in the oven (set to gas mark zero).

You're husband already knows the rest of the instructions.

Diagrams can be provided on request. Assuming you remember to turn Safe Search off, when doing your image search.

Debbie.

 
From General Discussion / Prostitutes Suffering in Austerity Britain
Posted 7 Sep 12 12:58
Message
It's when you pay for a Rainbow Fish, and they whip out a brown trout instead, shouting "Surprise".

Debbie

 
From General Discussion / Nice Feet
Posted 6 Sep 12 06:30
Message
Depends on what colour nail polish I have on my toes.

The red looks good, but the purple makes them look bruised.

Debbie

 
From General Discussion / Letz All Be Facebook Frendz! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Posted 5 Sep 12 18:33
Message
I've joined Facebook too! Rofl. The guy who used put his stuff in my wardrobe has a Facebook account, some of you are even friends with him, but he can bog off. Nothing but trouble he was. So I've got my own. lolz.

And you'll never find me. Muwahahaha. Wouldn't want that Clivey fellow gawking and ogling me.

Debbie

 
From General Discussion / Ellis Has Gone To France............let's get him!!!!
Posted 5 Sep 12 16:39
Message
I like Ellis. He gave me make-up tips.

Thanks Ellis!

Debbie

 
From News Discussion / More buyers on hunt for first comb
Posted 5 Sep 12 13:34
Message
I had a treat the other night.

After that, I went in the Approval Centre and read a few really good stories.

This was one of them.

I'd stand up an applaud, Joe, but Sid would look up my skirt.

Debbie

 
From News Discussion / Spokesmen go on strike
Posted 5 Sep 12 13:32
Message
I loved this in approvals. And said so. I'm saying it again here.

Utterly brilliant.

Go on. Read it.

Read it now!

Why are you still here?

Debbie

 
From General Discussion / What do you bring to a party?
Posted 5 Sep 12 13:10
Message
I also bring pizza.

I've got a vegetarian, a meat feast and an Hawaiian.

Who's got the pizza slicer?

Debbie

 
From General Discussion / What do you bring to a party?
Posted 5 Sep 12 09:29
Message
Sartorial elegance and a bucket load of concealer.

I'll bring the Blue Nun as well.

Debbie

 
From General Discussion / What do you bring to a relationship?
Posted 4 Sep 12 20:44
Message
Or garage?

Debbie

 
From General Discussion / Brief Moments Of Outstanding Beauty
Posted 4 Sep 12 11:44
Message
You shouldn't post such beautiful comments when oestrogen is wrecking my emotional compass. Argh I'm crying again. Blub Blub.

Debbie

 
From General Discussion / Private Madness
Posted 3 Sep 12 12:06
Message
Debbie's fine.

Nobody has ever misspelled Debbie.

It's short for Deborah, not Debra or any other such silliness.

Deb is okay, too.

Or D if you're feeling lazy or rushed for time, or paying per character.

True story: I spelled 'Iain' when I signed my soul to T-Mobile about 5 years ago. Despite several attempts to get it changed, they still call me Ianin. It's hilarious when cold callers from India attempt to pronounce that.

Debbie

 
From News Discussion / Celtic Players Deny Boredom Now that Rangers Have Gone
Posted 2 Sep 12 21:25
Message
Saw this in Apro and loved it.

Rated it 5 now it's in the wild.

Debbie

 
From General Discussion / Private Madness
Posted 2 Sep 12 09:57
Message
Nope...I was thinking "Why is there no instruction video for eyeliner". It either goes half way down your cheek like some mad Parkinson's problem, or in your eyeball.

I was planning on inventing an eyeliner guide that I would take to the Dragons and sell for millions.

Except, I have a strong belief that there is a lesson at school, probably Home Ec, in which this skill is taught only to genetic girls.

This was shortly followed by the thought that I should go to bed, which was followed by an action of going to bed. Thought precedes action, I have proved I have free will.

Debbie

 
From General Discussion / iPad?......iPod?.....iThick
Posted 2 Sep 12 09:53
Message
iPod oil needs to be changed every ten years. There's a small hole in the rear of the device that will either be marked 710 or OIL depending on which way up the device is held.

Do not attempt to change the oil any more frequently than once a decade, as this can impair the performance of the device during a full moon.

As iPod's become obsolete after thirty minutes, and are replaced by a new version that does not fit with any of the peripherals that have been purchased for the previous version, it has not been noticed that there is no 710 port on the iPod.

iPod's are slightly better than dolphins in terms of their musical ability, but dolphins have more apps available, due to dolphins eschewing the free market ethos of Apple.

I hope the good lady Danton will be happy with her iPod, but if I ever meet her, I'll swap advice on eyeliner for technological advice, and why she would have been better with a vinyl record player.

Debbie

 
From General Discussion / Philandering with grace!
Posted 1 Sep 12 22:47
Message

Quote: Maria Rios

Well Ian, I'm a 40F and a short 5'1" I think I beat you in the Jason needing a place to stay dry stakes.






Damn...I can never compete with genetic girls.

Debbie

 
From General Discussion / Philandering with grace!
Posted 1 Sep 12 22:45
Message

Quote: Katarina Frogpond2

Hello Maria. You look like a fellow girl in this man's world of mad baffoonery. How have you found it.

Also, I'm trying to crack the world of strange fiction. Its my lifelong aim to get published in weird tales and I think being a girl is holding me back. Do you think I should adopt a boys name.


Didn't work for me, Kat.

But then, you have talent, I just had a boys name. You can have Iain if you like, I'm not using it right now.

Debbie

 
From General Discussion / Private Madness
Posted 1 Sep 12 22:43
Message
Maria is thinking "Skoob's a bit odd."

Perhaps I should have chosen Claire Voyant as my new name.

Bugger, the paper work's all done now.

Debbie

 
From General Discussion / The Real You
Posted 1 Sep 12 22:42
Message
Debbie? A Persona? How very dare you*.

I tried lying once. I liked it. So I've doing it ever since.

But I'm still Debbie. You need photos?

Debbie

*Attribution: The Fast Show.

 
54 Pages - «« « 3 4 [5] 6 7 » »»
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

Go to top

Who is online?

There are 2 registered users currently online: 2 are active , none are currently inactive .

Users online:


Profile Featured Writer

Frank Cotolo
Frank Cotolo
Joined: 27 May 2004
Stories Written: 153

Go to top