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From General Discussion / Coffee.....
Posted 31 May 10 18:26
Message
Caffe Nero without a doubt...black unsweetened Americano with an espresso shot served by the gorgeous Marie and her sultry Spanish accent with lowered gaze, her perfect figure as it turns to work the espresso machine is worth the entrance fee alone....

Where was I?

Oh, and the coffee's good too.

Even if Marie doesn't make it.

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 28 May 10 15:08
Message
substances, unlawfully bought, seem to amaze now consciousness eventually slips

niaI

 
From News Discussion / Be careful what you search for - you might get porn
Posted 28 May 10 13:34
Message
I just needed something to make it into "News" from "Something that happens to me on a regular basis", and you supplied it! Genius! Thank you, your Majesty [mimes doffing cap*].

I do believe that my bosses at work will stop believing me eventually, and then I'll be in trouble.

Iain

*This is like a Dutch cap, but less effective against unwanted pregnancy.

 
From General Discussion / 'Wild Asian Ass' poser...
Posted 28 May 10 12:32
Message
Thanks for that QM...I'd been wondering how to start my searching accidentally finding porn story....

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 28 May 10 11:50
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Rye: You're enchiladas

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 25 May 10 06:58
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Sabrina, a beautiful realtor in New Amsterdam

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 24 May 10 07:52
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Norrkoping, old, rotten rotting Kapital of Poland, in/near Germany

Iain

 
From General Discussion / WORD GAME
Posted 24 May 10 07:48
Message
Try the new Scurvy Diet from Slimfast...take no vitamin C for a month and watch the weight just fall right off.

Iain

 
From General Discussion / EXERCISE
Posted 24 May 10 07:38
Message
Birb...it's 3 strikes and out, I'm afraid.

I am actually my own step-brother thanks to my parents antics.

Parents divorced in '89, mum married her 'psychic' toyboy, dad married a paranoid alcoholic. Mum divorced, then married a psychotic nutter; alcoholic died of acute cirrhosis. Mum left psychco, hid at my dads. Divorce came through, and mum and dad remarried. I was the best man at their wedding. I pointed out that they were both bringing children from a previous marriage.

Ironically, my surname is Benson...who was a character from Soap, a comedy Soap Opera, which is how my life panned out. Nominative Determinism at it's finest.

Iain

 
From News Discussion / London 2012 Olympics - Mascots Unveiled
Posted 21 May 10 15:41
Message
The Nick Clegg Tie Colour is a spoof all in itself.

5*s!

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 21 May 10 13:05
Message
Devices explode virtually in computer electronic simulations

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 21 May 10 08:43
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Uninhabited new islands near habitable and beautiful islands take emigrants displaced.

Iain

 
From General Discussion / EXERCISE
Posted 21 May 10 07:37
Message
50% of marriages end in divorce, and 50% in death...My divorce papers are in the works now.

I plan to be immortal.

So far, so good.

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Mind if I put this down
Posted 21 May 10 07:34
Message
My dog.

[floods of tears]

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 20 May 10 12:01
Message
Slackers let amorous cats kiss exhausted recumbent sweethearts

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 19 May 10 06:51
Message
Nevermind, everybody's very engrossed reading more inane nonsense, dear.

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 17 May 10 14:42
Message
Socks: our customary knob sheaths

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 17 May 10 07:57
Message
Spelling, perhaps, elicits lexical laughter in nerdy geeks

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 16 May 10 16:57
Message
synagogues, yesterday, needed another going over, getting unusually echoing shaloms

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 15 May 10 22:04
Message
Graceless rabbits are cooked exothermically, letting escaped steam settle

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 14 May 10 15:58
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Motherfucker openly throws horrendous ejaculations round four unusually clean kitchens, eating raspberries.

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 13 May 10 10:07
Message
Toes, oooh - extra sensitive

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Do you use Facebook?
Posted 13 May 10 10:00
Message
Erm...

I said Yes *I* use Facebook.

I've got to come clean, I can't hold it in any longer, it's eating away at me. The deceit, the lies, the fabrication. I can't take any more.

I wrote a novel based on the creation of a fictitious person on Facebook and the malleability of memory. To do a bit of research, I created said fictitious person, and let my story unfold in real life, as I constructed the story. Though the novel has some things 'I' did that *I* didn't do, mainly because I'd be writing this from prison had *I* done them.

Now the novel (Fakebook.con) appears to have bombed somewhat with the agents: ten rejections and counting.

Ironically, my fictitious person is quite popular. She currently has two dozen 'friends' who went to her school and 'remember' her (the premise of the book). I've had quite a few conversations (email and chat) with other people from the school who were supposedly in her class. She has made just one friend request...which was quite carefully worked out as to who it should be, and over the past year through the way that Facebook works, the rest of her old school friends have approached her. One of whom claimed to have walked to school with her for two years (go figure).

I've not had the heart to kill of my fictitious person, so she still exists, and still gets emails from old friends. I've discovered that people's memories are rubbish and easily manipulated. Using a combination of research, cold reading and repeating information told by one person to another, I've been able to hold reminiscing conversations with real ex-pupils of the school in real time.

What this says about Facebook, I don't know. However, a cautionary warning - don't trust it! It's evil!

There, I'm glad I've got that off my chest...because I am an evil madman who has manipulated over twenty strangers and I deserve to be punished.

Although thinking about it, it's probably kudos that has meant the agents are rejecting me.

I.a.i.n. (I Am an Insane Nutter)

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 12 May 10 12:27
Message
exploded x-rays portray little occlusions, dentists expect disaster

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 12 May 10 07:03
Message
Silversmith in lonely vole electrolysing research somehow made it terrifically huge

Iain

 
54 Pages - «« « 32 33 [34] 35 36 » »»
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

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