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From News Discussion / Education cuts of One Billion
Posted 5 Jul 10 20:50
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I'm pretty fortunate, my kid's future school is nearly finished, so they'll be completing that one.

It's awesome. I wish I'd gone to school there instead of the Borstal overflow I ended up at because my first choice school was full, and it was closest.

It's sad when you're pencil eraser is smarter than half the kids in your class.

Iain

 
From News Discussion / Doggy Bag For Life
Posted 5 Jul 10 20:48
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I've stopped using doggy bags since I confused the two.

Iain

 
From Magazine Discussion / Isle of Wight News - Self-Serve Checkout Line Problems
Posted 4 Jul 10 22:27
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Quote: Lady Godiva
Just go fix your typos eh?



But Typos are the heart and soul of a local newspaper.

As are the occasional missed word, wrong word, wrong picture, wrong headline, the end of the story cut off, the start of one story suddenly becoming another one...

At least they are round here. Tameside Advertiser... marvellous papier, if they ever lern to splel or you's a grandma checker.

Iain

 
From Magazine Discussion / Isle of Wight News - Annual Newby Marrow Growing Contest
Posted 4 Jul 10 09:31
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IOWN = Isle of Wight News

Edit = a button just above your own posts

Iain

 
From Magazine Discussion / Isle of Wight News - Annual Newby Marrow Growing Contest
Posted 3 Jul 10 22:46
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I feel Winston may well feature in IOWN again...he is obviously distraught.

Iain

 
From Magazine Discussion / Isle Of Wight News - Local Am-Dram Society Production Flops
Posted 3 Jul 10 13:12
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Isle Of Wight News - Isle of Wight becomes Isle of Dogs for the Day

Having read my local paper from cover to cover to get the feel for local paper journalistic style, here's my contribution to the IOWN

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 2 Jul 10 11:52
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Messages escape surrealism space and get enlarged syntax

Iain

 
From Magazine Discussion / Letters To The Editor - From Non-English Speakers
Posted 1 Jul 10 18:16
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This is by far and away the best LTTE you've penned to date, Skoob, 500*s from me. Odd, it showed up as 5...hmmm must get Mark to look at that.

Iain

 
From News Discussion / Reading School of Reading to clarify pronunciation
Posted 1 Jul 10 07:05
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I love language. Two Ronies Fork Handles/Four Candles sketch is one of my favourite classic comedy sketches. I love the way that English allows you to say one thing and mean another; it's a powerful tool that can be used for good or evil (up to 20mb broadband for instance, why not say up to 100gb?).

To look at how tenacious a language is, you need to look at Welsh.

It very nearly died out, however a group of people decided that it was worth keeping, and now it is spoken by most Welsh people. At the last count there were something like 6,000 languages, with only five in danger of vanishing for good, and plenty of recordings of these five now exist that they can be resurrected should future generations decide that they wish to return to their 'roots'. South Africa alone has twenty languages currently spoken and evolving, but not merging.

Although English has become the de facto terra lingua, primarily due to the English colonising/invading* (delete as appropriate) the right countries (it could easily have become Spanish or Portuguese) and Hollywood, there is plenty of scope for original languages to be retained. There is a kind of 'standard English' which is used across the world, which all prime-English and second-English speakers can use and understand each other, within it, there is still room for the dialect.

The last generation has seen a globalisation culture, which has helped spread English, so much so, that this generation consider this globalisation 'normal'; however, signs are emerging that there is a backlash against globalisation (the rise of Nationalistic parties and fundamentalism), and fragmentation is happening right now. If you look at the European Union, this has become a huge monolithic enterprise, and is starting to implode. Unless pro-active steps are taken, over the next generation, the EU could start to disintegrate. This could be seen as a bad thing or a good thing depending on your political leanings, but which ever way it goes, the one thing that will come out of the other side of it is language.

And within that language will be dialect. Being a Mancunian I don't have an accent or dialect. Having spent a considerable amount of time in Liverpool, there is no way that Scousers would let their dialect die out, the same goes for the Geordies. They're proud of it. Taking a fracturing world to an extreme, it could happen that both of these evolve into their own language, they're only a curriculum away from that at the moment. I expect that Scouse will become ultrasonic eventually, as it's only an octave away from being inaudible now.

Credo tutti dovrebbe imparare un altro lingua. Ho scelto Italiano, perché mi piace il suono.

And thanks for all the stars! Vi amo, vi amo. Mwa! Mwa!

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 30 Jun 10 12:29
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Ejaculated jizzum apparently caused unrest, laying a top everybody's dinners

Iain

 
From News Discussion / Mark Croft: I'll show Kerry Katona sex tapes to judge
Posted 30 Jun 10 10:10
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Mark Croft *is* using sex tapes in the custody battle.

That's about how far the truth goes.

Katona is one of the celebrities I use; "Iceland Bankrupt" and "She's Behind You" spring to mind.

I'm off to panda for points now.

Eats, shoots and leaves

Iain

 
From News Discussion / Mark Croft: I'll show Kerry Katona sex tapes to judge
Posted 30 Jun 10 07:17
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Weird, I'm not doing anything different, but I've got to 10th in the writers chart, and suddenly getting the urge to pander for points.

Resist, resist....argh I can't help myself......

Who is Kirsten Stewart?

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Puzzled
Posted 29 Jun 10 21:39
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I've stolen EVERY English flag, and I am currently stitching them together into the world's largest hanky, so the country can blow it's nose, wipe away the tears, and support Brazil, like we should have from the start.

Iain

 
From News Discussion / England Heroes back home
Posted 29 Jun 10 21:32
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The Premiership is a monster created by Sky.

I've been following non-league since....forever, and the Premiersky effectively killed non-league football. Crowds halved, costs/expectations went up. Sad really.

Great story though G

Iain

 
From News Discussion / iPhone 4 - perfect for 'missed calls'
Posted 29 Jun 10 16:09
Message

Quote: birbee

Have just left the Apple shop in Meadowhall where all available i-phone 4s were proudly displaying this story..........


Why thank you! It's rare I laugh out loud these days, but that is most definitely LOL!

Though I preferred my iPad Nano follow up....

Iain

P.S. Would that be all eight of them?

 
From News Discussion / Sepp Blatter on goal-line technology: "It's fine the way it is"
Posted 28 Jun 10 12:39
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I was going to put in that he took over in 1945 and make more references to the fact that his dad was a banker for a bank that was indicted in storing German stolen treasures during the second world war.

But that felt like sour grapes, so I took it out.

Besides, it's not true.

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 25 Jun 10 12:22
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Souls of undergraduates leak sambuca

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 25 Jun 10 11:40
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Nobbled on bean bags? Lawyers escalate demands!

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 23 Jun 10 14:07
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Shipyards have, in part, yards and really dirty ships

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 22 Jun 10 06:38
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Suffered under flatulent farting, everybody retched; encephalopathy diagnosed.

Iain

 
From General Discussion / World Cup - Goalie's Gloves
Posted 18 Jun 10 07:14
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Sorry to disagree Skoob, the gloves are pretty standard. I've worn similar playing for a Sunday league team. It looked odd on a winger, but there you go*.

Iain

*This is a lie, I am a keeper, even though I have played right wing on occasion, I don't like right wing as I am a labour supporter. I helped my wife through both of them.

 
From General Discussion / Two Word Stories
Posted 17 Jun 10 13:08
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It's OVER!

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Can't get away from the blooming noise.......
Posted 17 Jun 10 06:52
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Have you been asked to go inside and close the windows? "Just as a precaution"?

That happened when the local chemical plant got hit by lightning and blew up a huge silo of solvent near us. That was a big bang, I'm telling you.

I've been past your village many a time on the way to Gainsborough to watch footy. I recognised the company name - I was stuck behind one of their trucks turning right....

I checked on Google Street View, and it all seems to be under control now. No sign of a fire.

Iain

 
From General Discussion / Two Word Stories
Posted 17 Jun 10 06:41
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Ohhhhhhhh crrrrraaaaapppppppp!


Iain

 
From General Discussion / Acronyms
Posted 16 Jun 10 06:44
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Luddites usually demand downgraded information technology, especially software.

Iain

 
54 Pages - «« « 31 32 [33] 34 35 » »»
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

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