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From General Discussion / How Britain Lost the Colonies?
Posted 23 Jan 11 01:28
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Quote: Skoob1999

In all fairness, you did give us the Marx Brothers, Some Like It Hot, The Out Of Towners, The Wizard Of Oz, Ed McBain, Hill Street Blues and The Simpsons.

Marvin Gaye, the Temps, Gil Scott Heron, Bureau, Abel, Catain Morse, and John Peurach...

So all in all, it ain't such a bad deal.

Regards

Skoob.





Skoob, you an Ed McBain fan?

Fat Ollie: Ah Yes!

 
From General Discussion / How Britain Lost the Colonies?
Posted 22 Jan 11 23:03
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Actually, the Beatles took us back in 1964 British Invasion.

Now it's the Chinese.

 
From General Discussion / How Britain Lost the Colonies?
Posted 22 Jan 11 21:08
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Mohicans helped colonists right down to their last man!

 
From News Discussion / Playboy Mogul Hugh Hefner Reveals Why Nude Photos of Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, and Dakota Fanning Do Not Exist
Posted 22 Jan 11 21:04
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My friend, Abel should get a job doing an entertainment column for a major newspaper. But he might be too good at adding a great story with the column and make the stars jealous.

 
From News Discussion / Playboy Mogul Hugh Hefner Reveals Why Nude Photos of Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, and Dakota Fanning Do Not Exist
Posted 22 Jan 11 19:25
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Although not in the same class(less) as my own "Miley Cyrus Loves Spankings", this one still gets 5 from me.

How in the world can you keep up with who's who? I get balled up over 2 or 3 of the famous lot.

Funny.



 
From General Discussion / How Britain Lost the Colonies?
Posted 22 Jan 11 16:02
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How Britain Lost the Colonies:


British troops marched in lines, dressed in bright red while the colonists hid behind bushes, up trees and used hog shit camouflage.

Snuff sneezes always gave away British positions.

George Washington on steroids!

 
From General Discussion / People's Questions When Calling "The Butterball Hotline" About Their Turkey
Posted 21 Jan 11 18:32
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"Tell me how to butter my turkey but tell me reallllll slowwwwww!"

"Take your burnt black butterball and STUFF IT!!"

"Should I have thawed it completely before I made a sandwich? I don't feel so good. Bllleeeettthhhhh!!!"

 
From General Discussion / Different strokes for different folks...
Posted 21 Jan 11 16:00
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Count Hickey of Transylvania (College)!

 
From General Discussion / People's Questions When Calling "The Butterball Hotline" About Their Turkey
Posted 21 Jan 11 13:53
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"The Butterball Turkey Hotline:


"Guess what I'm buttering right now?"

"This thing is on fire! What do I...never mind, the fire truck is here."

"I've look EVERYWHERE and there's no ball of butter in this ******* turkey!"

 
From General Discussion / Any ideas or comments on this one?
Posted 21 Jan 11 02:03
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You are immediately given a ticket if you do not wear a seatbelt in Kentucky. The police even watch to see if you have a strap over your shoulder.

But you can have six kids riding in the bed of a pickup truck throwing snowballs at you while standing up.

Crazy world.

 
From General Discussion / Your Pharmacist May Have Screwed Up Your Meds?
Posted 21 Jan 11 00:21
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While you're out in the bushes during the camp-out, you discover that your pharmacist sold you a pack of glow-in-the-dark condoms and there's a whole crowd gathering trying to figure out what the strange light could be, that seems to disappear and reappear regularly.

 
From General Discussion / It's Mathematical!
Posted 19 Jan 11 20:57
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It's a lot better, JO.

No more sitting and doing 75-80 snippets. That was stupid.

I am back to writing but having more fun on the forums.

Thanks for asking.

-Bureau

 
From General Discussion / Your Pharmacist May Have Screwed Up Your Meds?
Posted 19 Jan 11 20:17
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UH OH! The Pharmacist Has Goofed!

After a horrible experience overnight you discover your suppositories say "Rogaine" on the pill bottle and you throw it at the cat who's laughing.

Your chest is still hurting and you find that you have slipped a stool softener under your tongue.

 
From General Discussion / It's Mathematical!
Posted 19 Jan 11 20:06
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Quote: Monkey Woods

It worked for me, but not for my daughter, Bureau. She was born in 2002. She's bitterly disappointed. I won't have you upsetting her like this. What are you going to do about it?

A couple of thousand quid should cover it.




I only ASKED what did you get? 11 still has ones in it.

 
From General Discussion / Little Known Facts About Mount Rushmore
Posted 19 Jan 11 13:45
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On their backsides, there are four 'Behinds': Jimmy, Bill, George and Barack!

Slightly tipsy astronaut, Alan Shepard, once screamed that there were giants on the earth!

Been scaring off UFO's since 1941!



 
From General Discussion / It's Mathematical!
Posted 19 Jan 11 13:39
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This year we will experience 4 unusual dates....

1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11 !!

NOW figure this out.... take the last 2 digits of the year you were born plus the age you will be this year & add them together

Was it 111?

 
From News Discussion / Spoof Writers Run for Cover as Assange Threatens to Reveal "Millions in Unreported Income" Earned for Writing Crap!
Posted 19 Jan 11 12:37
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Topnotch story. I put all my secret funds in a plastic can in the..whoops, almost told. Anyway, I keep moving it around daily.

-Bureau

 
From General Discussion / Dentists
Posted 19 Jan 11 12:32
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Nothing personal, Mikethelad. Some people have trouble with being numb. I fight the dentist automatically. They tried gas but I don't breathe through my nose.

Looking for one that will knock me out completely if I need any major work done.

I have no trouble with other shots and have had plenty in the military.

-Bureau

 
From General Discussion / Little Known Facts About Mount Rushmore
Posted 18 Jan 11 20:25
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Since it's on the 'Caption Contest', These are little-known facts about Mount Rushmore:

Ten bulls were sacrificed after completion of Teddy Roosevelt! (Bully!)

Prankster Bansky once hung an earring from Washington's ear.

Gave up on Grover Cleveland after estimating that it would have taken up the whole mountain.

Last minute refusal to grant Starbucks to place a cafe in Lincoln's nose.



 
From General Discussion / Dentists
Posted 18 Jan 11 20:18
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Arm is not the only one. I hate going to dentists. It's like a torture session! They can shoot needles all they like but I still feel it.

Someone suggested that I pretend that they are trying to make me talk about where I hid the gold.

I not only told him where the gold was, I even confessed to killing both John and Robert Kennedy.

My sympathies, Arm.

-Bureau

 
From General Discussion / New Diseases Discovered Within The Past Six Months
Posted 17 Jan 11 20:47
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Almost Forgot!

The Bird Flew: Usually results from being cut off in traffic!

Scarlet Beaver: Named after Scarlet O'Hara who's beaver kept getting redder as she continued to feed its fever.

Small Box: Usually can be corrected by surgery.

 
From General Discussion / New Diseases Discovered Within The Past Six Months
Posted 17 Jan 11 18:46
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Ebowla: Disease that affects your throwing arm, usually causing a lot of gutter balls. Gutter Balls itself is a form of this dreaded disease.

Fart Failure: Could lead to death due to captured, unreleased gas buildup. If you think you have this, do not light up a cigarette and head for the hospital. Can affect others by sudden release. If on elevator, stop at very next floor and run for an open window.

 
From General Discussion / New Diseases Discovered Within The Past Six Months
Posted 16 Jan 11 19:58
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New Diseases Discovered Within the Past Six Months:


Carpool Tunnel Disease: With gas headed for $5 per gallon, the car so full you cannot turn steering wheel.

Himaroids: Body becoming as stiff as a robot. Also referred to as "Al Gore's Disease".

Standing Ovation: Advanced stage of the Clap so bad that you have the runs and cannot sit down, so you take a bowel.

(Note: I had a few before making this list while watching football. May not be funny at all later)

 
From General Discussion / Worst Snack Foods Sold At Football Games
Posted 16 Jan 11 19:32
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Beer Butts

Poopcorn

Crackerjocks

Snotdogs


 
From General Discussion / Can I just say..
Posted 16 Jan 11 15:57
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They each take their turn. I think Tiger Woods or Michael Jackson holds the record in number of appearances.


-Bureau

 
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Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

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Nate John Won
Nate John Won
Joined: 28 September 2009
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